A Thin Line
by kyla713
Summary: They say there's a thin line between love and hate, even between enemies like Bella and Edward. The problem was there was mostly hate. They can't decide if they'd rather kill each other or rip their clothes off. What they do realize is that they can't stay away.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: It's been a long time since I've been able to routinely do the daily WitFit writing, but as with the one that prompted the story "Finally Found", there were just some of them that stuck with me. As well as quite a few requests from readers to continue them a bit longer. **

**This Edward and Bella was one that stuck with me, even as a WitFit, as they got three of their very own on three different days. I had hoped to someday revisit them, and it's taken me almost two years to do so. They came knocking at my brain's door one day, and I got a little bit of a story for them in my head, so I went back and grabbed them from my document stash, cleaned up the original WitFits and started writing from there. Again, this isn't a very long story, but I hope you enjoy it. I am posting the original, cleaned up blurbs here first, and then the next two chapters will be the remainder of the story. **

**Thank you and take care! **

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Penname: kyla713  
Creative Original or Derivative Fiction: Derivative

Rating/Warning(s): M

Prompt: Word Prompt: Vodka

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**BPOV**

"Worst kiss ever," Edward challenged me from across the coffee table, raising his eyebrow with a smirk.

"There is not enough vodka in the world to tolerate you tonight," I sneered with narrowed eyes, tossing back another shot to avoid his cocky expression.

"Come on, spill it, Bells," my brother, Emmett, chuckled beside me, nudging me gently with his elbow. "I promise I won't kick his ass _too_ badly."

At first, I didn't want to answer, especially with my brother sitting right next to me, and _particularly_ not on the night before his wedding. But catching the look in Edward's eyes and the smile he wore at causing me that level of discomfort—along with the numerous shots I already had under my belt— instilled a renewed vigor in me to reply.

"Mike Newton. After the rehearsal dinner. Tried slipping me tongue," I replied with a roll of my neck, finishing off with another shot warming down my throat.

"Right outside the _church_?" Emmett exclaimed, shaking his head with wide eyes and I shrugged noncommittally.

When I glanced back at Edward, his face was a complete mask of calm, with the exception of the almost imperceptible flare of his nostrils and the instantaneous darkening of his eyes. I ran my tongue along my lower lip in an attempt to hide my own satisfied smirk in response.

"Okay, I take that back on kicking his ass, and I _seriously_ need to rethink my groomsmen," Emmett muttered into his beer and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, calm down, Emmett. I'm twenty-one and can take care of myself," I growled through clenched teeth and glared at him.

"Doubt it," Edward muttered under his breath before tossing back another shot, and my narrowed eyes moved to him.

Being the only girl in the house since my mom left when I was a baby definitely had its disadvantages, particularly when I remained petite, even throughout my teenage years. And now on the eve of Emmett's wedding, I was sure that my father would start feeling hints of the empty nest syndrome, and guard me even more protectively. But the last thing I needed was this asshole passing judgment on me.

"Okay, your turn," Emmett called out suddenly, pounding his fist on the table and pointing to Edward. "Worst head you've ever gotten."

"Emmett, please," Rose groaned, her head falling back dramatically onto Emmett's shoulder. "It's disgusting enough to know my brother _has_ a sex life, without the gory details of it being laid out before me."

"Then don't listen," Edward retorted as he and his sister exchanged a glare, before looking back directly at me. "Last night."

My eyes widened as he paused for effect, knowing exactly what he was doing to me, judging from the triumphant look on his face.

"Drive in, back seat of my car, Angela Weber," he continued, shaking his head. "Nice girl, but definitely too innocent for her own good. _No_ idea what she's doing."

Our eyes locked across the table for a moment before I stood up from the floor abruptly; I couldn't take any more of him tonight. "I'll see you all in the morning. I'm going to bed. Good night."

"Maybe you should stick to wine coolers next time, Bella-Bear," Edward taunted me as I began to walk away and I snarled at him over my shoulder without stopping, turning to flip him off with both hands and then storming up the stairs.

I could hear the roar of laughter erupting in the living room before I made it to the top of the stairs, slamming the door of my bedroom closed behind me. Edward's obnoxiously loud voice echoed up there stairs that he was going to head home as well… right next door.

At the sound of our front door closing, my eyes shot across the room to my open bedroom window. I clenched my jaw and stormed over to it, slamming it shut and flipping the lock. My heart was pounding and my throat was dry, trying to block out the look on Edward's face as he enjoyed taunting me… and the intense wave of arousal it caused in me. I pounded my fist and the back of my head against the wall in frustration, wishing I could block him out. I hated the effect he had on me, the power he held. The pit of my stomach throbbed all the way down to between my legs, and I released a heavy sigh as I reached over to flip the lock back again.

I turned my head to glance outside, watching him cross the lawn over to his yard along with Rosalie, and the cocky son of a bitch had the nerve to look up and smirk. The moment he was out of sight, I opened the window again to allow the cool fall air to drift into my stuffy room and began to unbutton my jeans.

No sooner had I gotten them down my legs and tossed aside, I felt chilled fingertips gripping the skin of my hips and pulling me back roughly against a hard body. I could feel his breath beating against my flesh, the harsh rise and fall of chest nearly making an indentation against my spine. "Mike…Newton?"

His strained, seething words gave me a shiver of satisfaction and I smiled until his hand slid down my abdomen to settle between my legs, gripping me firmly. "Angela Weber?" I asked in a whisper as his lips ran along my neck. "Were you _that_ desperate for a blow job that you couldn't wait until midnight?"

His irritated growl rumbled against my back as his teeth grazed my neck. There were times I really couldn't stand the man behind me, with his cocky attitude and 'god's gift to women' persona. But from the first night he'd snuck through my window at midnight after an entire day of taunting each other at every given opportunity, I knew there was one thing that I would never be able to deny again.

He was an addiction from the first night, and one that I never wanted to give up. So we'd been meeting this way for months, with him sneaking into my bedroom at midnight, getting our thrills from each other, and going on about our lives. Never speaking about it outside, and taking what we needed. Dating whomever we wanted, but somehow, always managing to come back to what we shared.

"Jealous?" he rasped in my ear as his fingers made slow, daunting circles over the cotton of my panties.

I swallowed hard and shook my head, grinding my ass back against his now prominent erection. He was driving me crazy, but there was no way in hell I was letting him completely take me over. "No. But I'm detecting a hint of the green-eyed monster back there."

"Fuck no," he hissed as his free arm locked around my shoulders, his fingers pressing more firmly against me and rubbing briskly. Even through the fabric, his ministrations caused my knees to buckle and my hand to fly back to grip his hair. He sucked his breath in through his teeth at the sharp pull, yanking aside my panties and driving his fingers inside me. "If you think Mike Newton can do this for you, then by all means."

"Maybe he can. Never know until I try. And there's not a damn thing you can say," I retorted in a whisper against his ear, followed by a light dragging of my teeth along his earlobe. "I'm not yours."

"But this body is." His voice grew harsher; his fingers gaining momentum as they moved back to my sensitive flesh, my legs threatening to give out beneath me. His arm tightened around my chest to support me as his lips spoke against my jaw. "No matter what you do, or who else touches you, it aches for me. Waits for me to climb in that window. Doesn't it?"

I was so fucking turned on that I could barely reply with more than a grunt, trembling in his hold as he skillfully brought me to orgasm. My jaw tightened in restraint, attempting to keep quiet so that my brother wouldn't hear from downstairs, and my hips jerked toward his fingers. My hand dropped from his hair and I slid it between us, rubbing it firmly against the bulge in the front of his jeans. "Well, by that same token, this is mine. And I know Angela Weber can't give you what _you_ need."

I smirked as I turned to face him, nipping at his skin through his shirt as I lowered myself to kneel in front of him. His breathing picked up in anticipation as I began unfastening his jeans, as anxious as if I were opening a Christmas present and my eyes locked with his. I stripped his pants down his legs, followed swiftly by his boxer briefs, and instantly gripped his length in my hand. His eyes closed as my hand began its movements and I watched his head tilt back while my tongue made its long slow trek from base to tip, before I spoke again.

"But I know damn well I can," I said quickly and sheathed him inside my mouth, feeling him strike the back of my throat. The string of expletives that escaped his lips and his fingers driving into my hair sent a shiver down my spine.

His pants were heavy and desperate; his fingers tightened in my hair as I increased my pace and massaged him with my tongue. The fact that I could cause that level of reaction in Edward Cullen still affected me more than it should, but I couldn't bring myself to care at that moment. He was hissing _my _name, not Angela's or anyone else's.

My lips moved along him and my nails trailed lightly over the skin on the inside of his thighs until my hand cupped him and massaged in time with my descents. I felt him tighten in my palm and go all the more rigid against my tongue; apparently, he was just as turned on by our banter earlier as I was. I took him into my throat, ready to finish him off when I felt his hands move to either side of my head. His hips thrust against me twice more before pulling me off him, panting heavily.

Before I could piece together what was happening, his hands slid under my arms, lifting me off the floor and tossing me onto the bed. My breath stalled at the predatory gaze in his eyes, a look I'd never seen before. His fingers gripped my panties and whipped them down my legs, dropping them to the floor before hovering above me on the bed.

"I want to fuck you, Bella," he growled, his eyes penetrating mine.

"But we don't—"

"I want," he interrupted me with a gravelly snarl, gliding his hardened length against me and groaning at exactly how aroused I was, no doubt. "To fuck you. Say yes."

My body arched of its own volition at the commanding tone of his voice, grinding along the smooth skin of his length. We'd never gone that far before, keeping strictly to our hand and mouth agreement. We both enjoyed giving and receiving oral sex, so it had always worked well for us. We'd never even so much as kissed, and now, he was asking to fuck me… and I wanted nothing more than to say yes.

"Not bareback. You have what we need?" I asked breathlessly, even though, in all actuality, I ached for nothing more than to tilt my hips and take him inside of me.

Edward rose from the bed quickly to kick off his shoes and pants as I sat up to lift the tight baby tee over my head, revealing my bare breasts to him and causing him to groan again. Reaching into the back pocket of his jeans, he pulled out his wallet to retrieve the stashed condom inside.

I crawled over to him, taking the packet and ripping it open, rolling the condom onto him as he whipped off his shirt. The moment it was on, his hands grasped my waist, pushing me back down onto the bed and settling between my legs. "You sure about this?"

My fingers wove into his hair and gripped, pulling his face close to mine. I lifted my hips toward him until his tip inched into me and my eyes locked with his intensely. "I just put the condom on you, right? Now, fuck me."

What I didn't expect was his lips to claim mine as he slid inside me, entering me in one fluid thrust. His kiss was urgent and passionate, surprisingly increasing the sensations caused by each movement of his hips. When his tongue parted my lips and glided against mine, it wasn't clumsy or uncomfortable. It was sensual and felt oh so good.

My legs wrapped around his and my hips began moving, meeting him thrust for thrust. Our moans resonated in our chests as he hitched my leg higher on his hip, driving into me deeper, faster. I no longer cared who heard the creaking of the bed, the sounds of our pleasure. My father could walk in at that moment to find the neighbor boy fucking the hell out of his daughter, and I wouldn't let Edward stop. The combination of his body gliding against mine, him filling me again and again, and his teeth dragging along my lip as he approached orgasm—I'd never felt better in my life.

My arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, my fingers splaying across his back and feeling the lines of muscle contracting and releasing with each of his movements. Finally, they tightened one last time as he throbbed inside me, moaning against my lips as he came.

Fighting to catch his breath, he collapsed beside me, running his fingers into his hair. Silence filled the air between us as neither of us moved to speak. I finally sat up slowly; grabbing my nightshirt from the bedpost and sliding it on, hearing him draw in a deep breath behind me.

"Okay, so maybe a _little _bit of the green-eyed monster," he said with a sigh and I looked over my shoulder at him. He stood to clean up and get dressed, and was sliding his jeans on when he glanced back to me. "But you could definitely do better than Mike Newton."

I gaped at him as he grabbed his shirt and slipped back out the window.

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Rating/Warning(s): M

Prompt: Plot Generator—Idea Completion: New Year's Resolutions

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**BPOV**

"Fucking hell!" I exclaimed as I collapsed onto his bed, thoroughly spent from the vigorous fucking I had received only moments before.

Edward and I had been messing around for a year, since the previous New Year's Eve in Rosalie's hot tub; drunk, horny and all alone. Despite the fact that neither of us could stand the other, we definitely knew how to work each other's bodies—and it kept us coming back for more.

However, everything came to a head six months previous, the night before my brother's wedding. After finally giving in to our desires and actually having sex for the first time, the need for my fix on him had only increased. And they'd led to nights such as this; _me_ climbing in _his_ window at three in the morning, waking him up by encompassing his unfailingly hard length with my mouth, and then crawling up his body to take him inside me.

Tonight had been different, though – he'd been waiting for me. After ravaging my body at midnight, following yet another New Year's Eve party, where I'd taunted him all night in that short, black dress, I'd expected him to be asleep. But the moment I was through the window, I felt his arm around my waist, his teeth at my neck, and his erection pressed against my ass.

Within seconds, our pants were dropped, my body bent over the side of the bed and he was driving into me relentlessly. I loved it when he fucked me from behind, but that instance was different. We were still partially clothed, never taking the time to remove our shirts or free our legs from the fabric that pooled at our ankles. And he took me with such reckless abandon, I barely contained my scream as I came harder than any time previous with him.

As I lay there panting in the aftermath, my eyes shot open in realization as he fell beside me and I sprang off the bed.

"You son of a bitch, you just came inside me! What the fuck, Edward!" I hissed as I backhanded his leg, lifting my pants up my body and running into his bathroom.

My brain was fogged and in a panic, unable to believe the carelessness presented by both of us – even within the already fucked up situation we'd gotten ourselves into. After taking a few minutes to collect myself, I returned to the bedroom with my arms angrily crossed over my chest. "That can't happen ever again. Do you even realize what you could have done?"

"You're right." His voice was uncharacteristically quiet, and I paused to fully take him in. He was leaning forward with his fingers driven into his hair, his eyes closed and his jaw tight. I swallowed hard; he almost looked angry. Until his hands dropped and his gaze rose to mine, shaking his head. "It can't. I think our New Year's resolution should be to stay as far away from each other as humanly possible."

I stopped breathing and felt my stomach drop out; staring at him as if looking at him long enough would erase what he'd just said. "What?"

"Honestly, Bella, how long can we expect to do this? Driving across town to screw each other's brains out, just for the sake of getting off? It's not like we're right next door anymore, and we're not just a couple of kids, either. I live over your brother's garage, for fuck sake," he replied in exasperation, shaking his head. "This isn't good for either of us, and all it takes is one fuck up."

Anger began boiling within me that I never even knew existed, his words stinging more than I ever thought they would. For the first time, I felt dirty and used. "Wouldn't want to knock up your whore, now would you?"

Edward's nostrils flared in response, sneering back at me. "Your words, not mine."

Grabbing my keys from the floor where I'd dropped them when he'd grabbed me, I climbed back out the window and down the ladder, running for my car. I glared to where I'd exited from, expecting to see him there. He wasn't. I turned the ignition, quickly pulling away from the curb and heading home. Slamming my hands into the steering wheel and my head back against the seat, I cursed and berated myself as angry tears flowed down my cheeks.

How could I have allowed myself to be so stupid? To let him use me for his pleasure, only to cast me aside when he was finally done with me. Yet, was I any better?

Maybe he was right and it was best. We were grown adults and needed to start taking some responsibility for our actions. I didn't _need_ him; I didn't even _like_ him. He drove me crazy and made me angrier than anyone I had ever met in my life. He was arrogant and rude. Completely immoral; uncaring that he was screwing his best friend's sister night after night.

_So why does it feel like my world is crashing down around me?_

Weeks passed and I still heard nothing. Edward had moved out of my brother's garage apartment and headed up to Seattle, removing any temptation I might have had. But tension still mounted within me until I was finally able to text him with the final severing of any ties between us.

_I got it this month. You're safe. Have a nice life._

Things improved when I began dating Riley, one of the guys in the office building next to the school where I was teaching. Regular sex tends to have that effect on a girl. And he was good…really good… but he wasn't quite what I needed. As soon as he'd roll over to fall asleep, I would finish the job myself – with Edward's face in my mind.

And I hated myself more every time.

When Alice announced that she was getting married, I knew it meant trouble. Not only was she one of my best friends, but she was also Edward's cousin. There would be no way that one of us would be invited and not the other. What exactly could I say? 'Hey Alice, would you mind not inviting one of the closest members of your family so that I won't feel uncomfortable being your maid of honor? I used to fuck him behind everyone's back, and really want to keep it on the downlow, thanks.'

I'd have to face him; there was no way around it.

The strain of the upcoming wedding began to take its toll on my relationship, until it finally dissipated into nothing. And after six months, I was right back to square one…lonely and extremely sexually frustrated.

The instant I spotted him from the window as he stepped out of his car, looking impeccable in his black suit and doing nothing to disguise the length of his legs, I felt my knees preparing to buckle. His hair was combed to the side, which I knew wouldn't last long with his habit of driving his hands through it. His tongue running over those lips that had touched my skin so many times, causing phantom tingles to course through my body.

_Damn it, couldn't he have shaved for his cousin's wedding?_ I growled internally, as his long fingers rubbed across the trace of scruff lining his jaw as Emmett spoke to him, nodding his head in agreement to whatever was being said.

"Hey, Bella. You realize that it's _my_ job to look that pale, right?" Alice teased, catching my attention and smiling as I looked over at her. "What's going on out there?"

"Oh, nothing," I replied, attempting to calm my voice as I made my way over to her and straightened her veil. "Your cousin just got here. _Late_, of course."

"Bella…"

"Don't worry. We'll be on our best behavior. We made it through Rose and Emmett's wedding without killing each other, right? And we actually had to walk down that aisle _together_."

I watched her shoulders noticeably relax as she nodded, taking her bouquet in her hands and drawing in a deep breath. "Oh God, I didn't think I'd be this nervous."

Reaching for my own bouquet, I grasped her free hand with my own, giving it a gentle squeeze. We walked out of the room toward the doors leading into the church, and the moment I stepped through them, I spotted him right away. My eyes met his briefly in passing, but just as quickly looked away as I took my place at the altar.

Throughout the ceremony, I could literally feel his eyes burning into my back, the warmth searing through my skin as if he could see right through me. The minutes ticked by like hours before we finally made our way outside, where I immediately ducked into the limo, short of breath.

_Just a few more hours and then he'll be gone again. All of our close friends are now married, or have no intention to be. No other big events to attend for anyone else that can't be declined with a polite RSVP. I'll never have to see him again._

Glass after glass of champagne flowed down my throat, yet, I barely felt a thing. His eyes occasionally locked on mine, but we continued to remain on opposite sides of the room for a majority of the evening while the reception whirled around us.

"Bella?" I heard his voice as I tipped back another flute of the bubbly liquid, slowly lowering it to find his green eyes directly in front of me. "Would you like to dance?"

I looked away to set my glass on the table beside me and shook my head. "I don't think that would be such a good idea. Seeing as that would mean you couldn't remain as 'far as humanly possible' away from me and all."

I brushed past him, heading for the exit and stepping out into the hallway, taking a steadying breath. The door burst open a moment later and my head shot up to find Edward standing there. His gaze was intense and he took two quick steps toward me, driving his fingers into my hair at my neck and sealing his lips roughly to mine. My entire being responded to him immediately, my hands clinging to his back, almost in desperation.

I hated him. I hated the way he made me feel, and how I wanted him. I hated how weak I became for him. And I definitely hated the fact that he could so easily bend me to his will again, even after all the time that had passed. I thought I was stronger than that—and I wasn't.

We made our way down the hall toward the changing room, locking the door behind us before his body pressed mine against it. His hands hastily worked to lift my skirt and slide my lace panties off, as mine endeavored to unbuckle his belt and open the front of his pants.

I'd just wrapped my legs around his waist when I felt him thrust inside me and heard a deep groan rumble in his chest. My fingers tightened in his hair as his hips moved frantically against me, and he kissed me hard and rough.

He felt just as I'd remembered him, better even. Smelled just as good. Invoked sensations within me that only he could. Damn him.

He knew every breath, every beat of my heart that would tell him exactly when my orgasm was right on the brink of claiming me. And his hand gripped my thigh, inching it up along his side and thrusting harder into me.

"Don't you dare come 'til I do," I hissed, his lower lip between my teeth.

"Shit, Bella… been too long…"

"Not yet… almost… fuck!" I growled, biting into his shoulder to muffle my cries as my body shuddered in orgasm.

A loud moan rumbled in his throat as my teeth barely refrained from piercing the skin of his neck and I felt him release inside me a moment later. I was breathless as he continued to lean into me, motionless until he set me down and we both regained our footing.

"We didn't use a condom," he panted and swallowed hard, but made no move to let me go.

"I'm on the pill now. Do I need to worry about anything else?" I whispered, gradually releasing his hair from my hold and he shook his head. And somehow, I believed him. "What about the resolution?"

"Who do you know that actually holds to those past the first week of the New Year? This _has_ to be some sort of a record." We both released an uncomfortable chuckle, finally opening our eyes to look at each other. "I've missed you, Bella."

Our lips were just about to touch again when a loud thudding sounded from the other side of the door. "Hey, you two. You might want to get your asses back into that reception hall, they're about to cut the cake."

I felt my skin burning as my brother's voice echoed through, my eyes wide as saucers. There was no way I could walk out there and face him.

"Honestly, Bells. Did you think I never _once _saw your car outside?"

Edward's gaze snapped to mine, the horror mirroring my own.

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Rating/Warning(s): M

Prompt: Word Prompt: Morning

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**EPOV**

My fingers firmly gripped the balcony railing I leaned back on, and I felt the warm sea breeze gusting softly against my neck. Yet, my eyes wouldn't move from where they'd been all morning.

Lying on her stomach with the white sheet tangled around her legs and resting low on her waist, Bella was still sleeping peacefully. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined her still in my bed on any given morning, let alone driving over a thousand miles just to see me.

Following our encounter at my cousin's wedding, we'd both implored Emmett to keep his knowledge to himself until Bella and I could figure the whole mess out for ourselves. I'd completely expected him to beat the living shit out of me for fucking around with his baby sister, but instead, he rolled his eyes and told us that we needed to do a better job at covering it up if we didn't want my sister, Rose, to find out.

And I knew _I_ didn't. At least not until I could make sense of it all. She _would_ beat the shit out of me; I had _no_ doubt about that.

For so many years, I despised the woman in my bed at that moment. She'd been a snarky, uptight know-it-all throughout our entire childhood, the complete opposite of her friendly, outgoing brother, Emmett. It seemed the only thing they shared in common was a closet.

When she'd developed into a beautifully curved, sexy woman, I'd never know—having hidden for years beneath baggy jeans and t-shirts at _least_ six sizes too big.

So when she arrived at that New Year's Eve party over a year and a half before in that tight, deep purple dress, my brain and my dick apparently decided to part company. The more I tried to remind myself that I _hated_ the girl, the harder I became.

As the party began to die down—with everyone passing out or leaving—before long, it was just me and her… and my raging hard on. I may have groaned just a little too audibly when she began to peel off her dress, revealing a bikini underneath of the exact same shade, but I was too drunk to care.

She dropped the dress to the floor and walked toward the hot tub, her hips swaying with the movement and I took another long drink from my bottle. However, I couldn't rip my eyes away from the way the shade of her suit contrasted with her pale, flawless skin before she slipped her heels off at the edge of the tub and stepped into the steaming water.

I'd stopped trying to figure out how I ended up in that tub with her. It was simple; I was drunk and I was horny, and so was she.

But then we'd become insatiable, without ever really fucking. Bella's lips around me was the most amazing feeling, and even I couldn't deny that it was a beautiful sight as well. And it pissed me off that I wanted her as much as I did, that I felt jealousy raging through me when she flaunted her escapades with other men in front of me—which always led me to her window at midnight.

Yet, when I heard the name Mike Newton fall from her lips, something inside me snapped. He'd been wanting to fuck her since high school, even sucking up to her brother for a chance to get between her legs.

I might not have been Prince Charming, but I wasn't the complete douchebag that Mike Newton was, either.

I fought fire with fire, watching her brown eyes go almost black as I stared right at her when I told the entire room about the head I'd gotten from Angela the night before. I'd fibbed just a little; Angela wasn't nearly as innocent as she led everyone to believe. She definitely knew what she was doing, and had no qualms about telling me to drop the pretenses of a 'date' next time – she only did 'friends with benefits' arrangements. No commitments.

But as good as she felt with both her mouth around me and then finally riding me in the back seat of my car… she wasn't Bella. Her lips weren't nearly as full, her sounds not as sultry. I hadn't envisioned her body lowering onto mine and fucking me to oblivion in my mind a million times.

No sooner had I dropped her off and gone home to take a shower, I was in Bella's room with her in front of me, on her knees. I was a jerk, I knew it—but I couldn't get enough of her.

But the night before Emmett's wedding was like nothing I'd ever felt before. The need to touch and claim her was so strong, it completely consumed me. We taunted and teased as she came against my fingers, then dropped to her knees in front of me. And I knew the moment she began taking me into her throat, that it wasn't going to be enough for me that night.

So we fucked. Hard. And I kissed her; finally, after all that time, I felt her lips against mine and they were just as intoxicating as her body. I was in dangerous territory and I knew it, but I couldn't be brought to care as she moaned and writhed and fucked me back.

And so opened the can of worms that led to that ridiculous New Year's resolution. My need for her only increased in the six months that passed between Emmett's wedding and the next New Year's Eve party. I'd watched her all evening in that fucking black dress, the way it flowed around her thighs and hugged her breasts; I wanted to pull her out back and take her against the house. But I waited until she left around eleven, giving me a knowing look, and then made the drive to her house and fucked her in that same black dress that had been driving me crazy all night.

I knew I had gotten in way over my head with her when I drove home and I was still hard and aching for her. I jerked off in the shower and even that only abated it for an hour. It was obvious that there would be no sleep for me until I had her again—so I waited for her until three.

The instant I had her in my arms, my body shifted into autopilot. I fucked her harder than any time previous, without any thought or caution. Came inside her without warning—and definitely deserved more than the smack on the leg I'd received from her.

We were a lethal combination and I knew it. Neither of us would be able to sustain a normal, healthy relationship with anyone else as long as we remained addicted to each other that way. I tried to leave, to put enough miles between us that the distance would eliminate any purpose to seeing each other. By the time either of us reached where the other was, it would be pointless and not worth the trip at all.

Yet, when I received her text, telling me in not so many words that she had gotten her period after the last reckless time we were together, I couldn't describe the feeling that came over me. Obviously, there was relief that, in my carelessness, I hadn't gotten her pregnant. But also the realization that she was still raw from our final verbal exchange, and all because of the toxic need we had for each other. And then there was the unfamiliar knot that began to form in my stomach at her easy dismissal.

I _had_ to put distance between us before we completely destroyed each other.

And though it worked for its intended purpose, it had all been in vain the moment I spotted her coming down that aisle at Alice's wedding. I was beginning to doubt that there was a single color that the woman _couldn't _wear and not look fucking amazing, as she passed by me in that turquoise dress.

Before I knew it, we were in that dressing room with her legs around my waist and I was buried deep inside her. Six months of avoiding temptation completely negated. We'd lost none of the fire together, all of the need and want was still there.

With one major difference.

"I've missed you, Bella," I whispered as I gazed into her eyes, my forehead resting against hers.

Honesty. Pure, unfiltered, non-cryptic honesty.

Until, of course, Emmett knocked and broke the moment, neither of us able to wrap our heads around the fact that we had just fucked with her brother on the other side of the door. Or that he'd just called both our asses out on something we thought was just between us.

I returned to Seattle that night without another word to Bella and began making arrangements the following morning to head down to California. Putting over a hundred miles between us hadn't worked in the long run, so I just needed to add more.

_Yup, that had worked, too, _I thought sarcastically as I shook my head, watching her bare back rise and fall with each breath. Only this time, she had come down to me, banged on my front door with tears in her eyes, and smacked me across the face when I finally opened the door.

"Quit running away from me, asshole!" she snarled through clenched teeth, before stepping toward me quickly and wrapping her arms around my neck, her lips crashing against mine. "I can't give you up."

My hand drove into her windblown hair, while my other arm gripped around her waist as the kiss grew fierce and rough. Her fingers grasped the front of my shirt and pulled me into the closest room, which happened to be the living room, breaking the kiss only long enough to begin removing our clothes.

We fucked on the couch. On the floor. Against the banister of the stairs. Before finally making it to my bed, thrusting and clawing at each other until we were both completely spent and fell asleep.

I'd awoken as the first hint of sunlight began invading the room, causing me to curse as it glared right in my eyes. The shifting beside me caused them to open and look, finding Bella still asleep there. I carefully slipped out of bed and grabbed a pair of loose pants from my dresser, and I'd been standing out on that balcony ever since.

Bella deserved better than this, better than me. She deserved someone who completely adored her, who would make love to her and marry her and give her dozens of beautiful babies. She deserved an intelligent, competent man, not a high school dropout, living off the inheritance from his dead parents.

But as much as I wanted to continue hating her as I had nearly all my life, it was clear after the night before, it just wasn't gonna happen. Bella made me feel the way no other woman ever had, no matter how many I'd been with.

Despite everything, I felt needed. Wanted. Truly desired.

Slowly making my way back inside, I crawled back onto the bed, brushing my lips against the small of her back and working my way up her spine. By the time I reached her shoulder, her eyes were still closed but a smile hinted at her lips.

"Morning," I whispered against her skin, kissing up her neck.

Bella's eyes opened slightly, brushing her fingers gently along my jaw as she gazed up at me. "Morning."

Her voice was groggy and still heavy with sleep, but her body turned beneath me and her arms slid around my back. Her cheek was still warm and flushed from where it had rested on the pillow as I brushed the backs of my fingers against it. "I don't want you to leave."

Bella raised an eyebrow and took my lower lip between hers, pulling me closer. "I didn't drive over a thousand miles for a quick lay, just to turn around and go back."

"Or three or four," I mumbled against her lips, at which she groaned, pushing me away and rolling out of bed.

"God, you always have to be _such_ an ass, don't you? Makes me wonder why I even bothered," she muttered under her breath as she stormed across the room to my dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and sliding it over her head. I sat up and gazed at her curiously, to which she rolled her eyes. "If you think I'm walking around this dump naked, you're out of your damn mind."

I slid across the bed quickly, racing toward the door before she could slip out of it and pushed it closed. "Why did you?"

Bella's eyes shot up to mine and then quickly lowered again. "I already told you. I was tired of you running away all the time."

"Okay," I replied slowly, leaning back against the door. "Why?"

"What are you, three years old? Why, why, why?" she retorted in an annoyed tone, but never lifted her gaze to mine and folded her arms around herself. She mumbled indistinctly under her breath and shifted uncomfortably, leaning back against the wall beside me and turning her face away from me.

"What?" I mocked in a whisper, leaning my ear closer to her.

Bella sighed heavily and pursed her lips, turning to look at me again. "Fine, I missed you, too! Happy now, jackass?"

My eyes widened in surprise; not at her words, but the fact that she had just screamed in my ear and it was now ringing. Slowly, the meaning behind her statement began to settle into my brain and my gaze moved back to hers. "You did?"

"Yeah, I did," she replied in a much gentler tone, but still keeping a slight distance from me.

I reached for her arm and pulled her toward me, sealing my lips over hers and wrapping my arms around her waist. Her hands clasped my face as I lifted her from the floor and carried her back to the bed, falling back onto it with her on top of me.

"We are so fucked."

Bella sat up, pulling the shirt from her body again and nodding. "Yes, we definitely are," she whispered breathlessly, capturing my lips again and rolling me on top of her. "Completely fucked."


	2. Chapter 2

**A Thin Line**

"So, another booty call trip to Cali there, Bells?"

My brother's voice and the flipping on of the living room lamp caused me to shriek and turn quickly, spotting him sitting on my couch. I'd purposely left all my lights off and waited until the main house was completely dark before attempting to leave, obviously in vain. Yet, never had he invaded my privacy like this, even since I'd moved into the apartment over his garage when I'd lost my job two months before and couldn't bear to tell Dad. And the look on his face at that moment stilled me by the front door. "Emmett, please don't. I really just need a couple of days away at the beach or something. To not have to think about not even one single call back this week. I don't _not _work, Em, you know that. I'm going crazy."

"Right. The beach. In November? And tell me something else, dear sister. How are you paying to get down there?" he asked matter of factly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

I averted my eyes from him, fighting back the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. "You already know the answer to that, Emmett."

"Damn it, Bella," he shouted, causing me to jump and close my eyes, a flush of shame spreading over my skin. He stood abruptly and began pacing my living room floor, his hand gripping the back of his neck tightly. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You didn't have a problem with it at Alice's wedding. Or when you saw my car parked outside your house all those times. Why are you suddenly making such a big deal out of it now?" I asked, almost instantly regretting it when he began to speak again.

"Because I was just waiting for you both to get your heads out of your asses and figure this shit out, and you said you would. You two have had it bad for each other for _years _and you got it all tangled up with this imaginary fucking hate. But best friend or not, I am tired of him using my little sister as his own personal whore, and you're letting him. You're _letting him use you. _Though I really can't see how he could have much respect for me or our family if he can _dis_respect _you_ this way."

My eyes widened and burned through him with a glare, my teeth clenched so tight, they nearly shattered. I wordlessly wrenched the door open and slammed it behind me, storming down the stairs to my car. I no longer cared who heard or saw me leave; I just knew I had to get the hell out of there.

My brother's words had cut me deep, even if they weren't far from the truth over the duration of nearly two years. Edward _had_ used me, and I _had _lethim, because I had used him just as much in return. And yet, we still couldn't stay away from each other after all this time. The powerful desire we had for one another was stronger than our despise and it was something that Emmett could never understand.

Hell, _I _didn't even understand it.

I ignored every call and text from my brother through the entire twelve hundred mile drive, not stopping any more than necessary and crying almost the entire way. By sundown the following evening, I'd arrived at my destination, but could barely move. I rested back in the seat and stared at the front door, hardly noticing when it opened and Edward's form appeared.

His familiar grin soon faded completely and morphed into a look I'd never seen from him—concern, creasing his forehead and turning his lips down into a frown. He quickly raced over to my car and pulled the door open, crouching down to the ground and trying to catch my eyes as he took my hand. "Bella? What's going on? Are you okay?"

My eyes felt heavy and stung from the hours and hours of tears they'd shed as they turned to him, my voice soft but flat when I finally spoke. "I'm late."

Edward's breath stilled in his chest—he knew damn well I wasn't talking about my arrival. It only lasted a moment, however, and he reached across me to grab my purse and overnight bag, and then reclaimed my hand to help me out of the car. "Come on, let's get you inside."

My body felt as if it was on autopilot, my mind not registering the steps I took to his door or the couch in his living room, until the warmth of a cup of tea spread over my palm. I looked to him, where he sat on the coffee table in front of me, his eyes a shade lighter than I'd ever remembered seeing them before. He looked worried. Afraid.

"Did you take a test yet?" he asked with his fingers tented in front of his mouth.

I drew in a breath that shuddered more than I'd intended and then pressed my lips firmly together as I shook my head. "I couldn't do it alone. And there was no one I could ask that wouldn't bombard me with more questions. And any way you look at it, it would get back to your sister. And that would be bad. Really bad. Even if it's negative. And I couldn't. Edward, I just couldn't."

By the end of my statement, I was a sobbing mess, on the verge of hysterics. I felt Edward take the cup from my hands and me into his arms. In all the time I'd known him, I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever broken down completely in front of him as I did in that moment, never letting him see the utterly weak and vulnerable side of me in that way, aside from my weakness for him. But I needed him right then in a way I never had before.

"Will you stay with me while I do this, Edward?" I murmured quietly into his chest, clutching his shirt with my fist.

"You brought one with you?" he asked and I felt his hand running along my back gently, more comforting than anything I'd ever experienced from him. My eyes searched the room to see where he had set my things and pointed to my purse, and his cheek brushed against my hair with his nod. "Yeah, I'll stay with you."

We pulled apart and I stood, grabbing my purse on the way by, and he led me to the ground floor bathroom. "I'll, uh, just let you…you know, get set up."

I took his hand to prevent him from leaving and shook my head. "Please, don't go. Just … turn around or something. Or hell, you've seen me naked enough times, it really doesn't matter."

He kept hold of my hand as he sat down on the edge of the tub and it was moments like that—few and far between as they were—when it was easy to forget who he was, what _we _were. We'd despised each other for years. He was a cocky asshole with an ego the size of China, but unlike most men, he also had the means to back it up. Sex with Edward had never been anything less than mind-blowing—the best I had ever had and always kept me craving more. Even the non-sex had been insatiably addicting, with our taunts and biting comebacks leading to the most intense orgasms I'd ever had, before or since.

It was nothing less than completely fucked up. But we couldn't stop.

And now, we were sitting together silently, waiting for the results that had the potential to set our entire lives on a whole different axis. Edward stared at our joined hands the entire time, as I gazed at him. How could we be parents like this? Me with no job, and living over a thousand miles apart and feeling as we did about each other. I wasn't even sure anymore how I felt about him. He could piss me off more and faster than any man I had ever met, would purposely push my buttons just to rile me up. Yet when he would kiss me, I could literally feel it all the way down to my toes. The lightest touch of his fingers set my entire body on fire and could wake me from a sound sleep needing him desperately, as they had many times over the weekends we'd spent together.

However, he wasn't my boyfriend, and I wasn't completely sure that we would ever be compatible in that way. But sitting there and watching him clasp my hand between both of his was confusing as all hell. Why did he have to do this to me?

The egg timer dinged and we both sat up straighter, gazing at each other momentarily before I stood from the toilet to retrieve the test stick from the edge of the sink, with him right behind me. I gazed at the window and then closed my eyes, letting out a long sob and gripping the cool white surface in front of me. "Oh thank God. It's negative. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

I turned quickly and threw my arms around him, clinging to him and pressing a kiss to his jaw. It only took a moment before I realized that he was still silent and wasn't embracing me back; in fact, his body remained quite rigid. I pulled back to look at him, his face unreadable.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked in confusion.

He began shaking his head and his lips remained tight, although he tried to smile as he stepped back from me. "Nothing. It's great. All that worry for nothing."

I watched him walk out of the room, leaving me momentarily breathless and without the ability to utter a single word. Once I snapped myself out of it, I made my way out to the living room to find him sitting on the couch with his arm draped over his eyes. On instinct, my defenses went up. "Well, I am so sorry I caused you all that worry. I'll make sure I'll never have reason to do that again."

"Look, can we just get this over with?" he asked as I was grabbing my bag off the chair and slinging it over my shoulder.

His words caused me to pause and turn to look at him over my shoulder. "What exactly is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means," Edward said tensely, moving his arm and standing up to look at me. "What are we doing? We're two full grown adults still behaving like a couple of hormonal teenagers after two years. We can't do this anymore."

"Edward, it was just a little scare. We'll just be more careful. Use condoms as well as the pill, or something," I replied, setting my things down again and moving toward him.

"_I_ wasn't scared, Bella," he stated firmly and the look in his eyes caused me to take a step back, the ferocity causing me to tremble slightly. "I _wanted_ that goddamn test to be positive. Maybe a little stupid and irresponsible, sure. But I'm _not_ fucking thankful."

I stood there gaping at him—how the hell was I supposed to respond to _that_? He _wanted_ me to be pregnant with his child. It wasn't fear in his eyes I saw earlier, it was hope. And I could only think of one thing to say. "Why?"

"Because I don't want you to leave me anymore. I want you here, or me there, or something in between," Edward answered, his hand gesturing emphatically as he spoke and his jaw clenching tightly as he continued. "I've somehow gone from either wanting to strangle you or fuck your brains out, to needing and wanting _you_ so badly, I can't breathe, I can't think, and it fucking hurts. I'm in love with you, and I don't know how it happened. But I can't keep letting you in, just to have to let you go. And watching you praise God that you're not having my baby? I can't watch that again, either."

My breaths came in short, uneven intervals as I lowered onto the couch, unable to take my eyes off him. "So, let me see if I'm understanding this correctly. You're ending this with me because you love me. And you're _mad_ at me because I'm not having your baby, and I'm not heartbroken over it, either? We live twelve hundred miles apart that _you_ put between us."

"I _had _to. Because I couldn't be that close to you all the time and not touch you, or be near you. It's hard enough just with every couple of weeks now, I tell you I don't want you to leave, and you do every single time. And I can't do it anymore. You don't understand, Bella. I want you all the time. Every day. And I can't have that."

My mouth fell open and remained that way the entire time he spoke. I almost didn't recognize the man in front of me at that moment, someone I'd known nearly all my life. Behind the clenched jaw and fist and anger radiating off him like solar flares in its intensity on the surface, there was pain, and a lot of it. And it seemed as unfamiliar for him to feel it as it was for _anyone_ to see it, let alone me.

"Wow, Swan, you really _are _fucking clueless. How many times do I have to fucking say it before you get it? Should I spell it out for you? Here, let's make it even easier," he ranted, ending with a fall to his knees beside his cluttered coffee table. He reached for a blank sheet of paper and a pen, writing furiously and considerably large, his eyes narrowing as he thrust the note into my hand.

I resisted the instinct to fight back with him for that moment, focusing instead on the crinkles and pops of the paper as I tried to flatten it out where it had crumpled in my palm.

"Is _that_ clear enough for you? Or do you need your reading glasses?" he added.

My lips pressed into a thin line, slamming the paper down onto the table and sliding it over to him again. "I don't know, maybe you should just read it to me then, asshole."

Edward's nostrils flared angrily and he pushed himself up to stand, storming over to the chair I'd tossed my purse onto while muttering under his breath. I felt a measure of self-satisfaction in flustering and pissing him off, but then I took note of the fact that he wasn't rummaging through my purse in a hectic search for my glasses. He'd gone straight to the pocket inside I'd always kept my case in, sliding the zipper across, even though I had difficulty remembering the last time I had done so in his presence. How would he have known just where to find them in my massive purse that boggled the mind of most women as to how I kept track of anything in there, with all the zippers, pouches, and pockets? I took the note back into my hands again, my eyes finally glancing down at his barely legible, scribbled words and I felt my heart and stomach twist.

_I__fucking__love__you__, Bella. _

I lightly bit at my thumbnail as I looked up to him again, where he was frozen with my glasses case in his hand. I'd had the paper too close to my face for him not to have known I'd read every single word. His eyes were still hard, but his anxiety showed in the pronounced bob of his Adam's apple, as much as it had in the multiple lines scratched under the words. The pen had gone straight through the sheet in several spots, and I was sure he had marks on his table from it. I drew in a slow, deep breath, having been rendered speechless for the umpteenth time that evening by him.

"Don't fucking mock me. After I just laid myself out there for you, don't you fucking dare," he growled and turned away. He drove his hands into his hair and paced, but completely avoided meeting my eyes. "See, this is why I can't do this anymore. This is still just a fucking game to you. We're in two entirely different places, and you're not even close to where I am. And I can't pretend anymore. Not after tonight."

I stood from the couch abruptly, folding my arms over my chest as I glared at him. "Just because I haven't quite made it there, doesn't mean I haven't stumbled once or twice along the way. I know you think pretty damn highly of yourself, but do you honestly believe sex with you is so earth shattering that it's worth putting over two thousand miles on my car every single time I spend a weekend with you?"

"I don't know, Bella. Maybe you're bored or lonely, or hell, I don't fucking know. But it's not the same thing," Edward fumed, his eyes blazing darkly as he finally looked at me.

I narrowed my gaze at him and shook my head. "Boredom and loneliness are simple things to rectify without the trek to California."

"Maybe for you!" he yelled, taking me off-guard.

"Oh really? So why are you waiting until _now_ to say anything? You've never made any effort to change things between us or come home, you've only asked me not to leave. But you've never _once_ asked me to stay," I replied, my entire body beginning to tremble with the emotion I felt coursing beneath my skin.

"It's the same fucking difference, Bella," Edward retorted, waving his arms out in frustration.

"No, it isn't! 'Please don't leave' could be something as simple as 'until I fuck you one last time'. 'Please stay' would mean that you might actually _want_ me here. And knocking me up is _not_ the way to accomplish that!" I exclaimed as the tears from the emotional rollercoaster of the last twenty-four hours began to spill down my cheeks. "Are you honestly telling me that you'd actually want a kid with me?"

Edward's eyes met mine and I felt my stomach clench as I waited for his response. "No. I wouldn't."

"See," I said, gesturing my hand to him and grabbing my bags again. "And you say it's only a game for _me_."

"God fucking damn it, Bella! Would you want to stay with me for _any_ other reason? Do you want anything more than sex from me?" he shouted at my retreating form and I turned my head to glare at him over my shoulder. "You with your fancy college degree, and me, the fucking loser who can't even pass his GED exam. I wouldn't voluntarily wish my genetics on a fucking _rat_, let alone an innocent child. I can't even be good enough for you, as much as I wish I could be. Or to at least be able to tell you I hate you and fucking mean it. I want to deserve you, but three times I've taken the test, and three times I've failed. Sure, I can really see how someone like you would proudly say 'this is my man, the fucking drop out, and I _chose_ to be with him."

My eyes lowered to the coffee table, noticing for the first time the books and papers full of scribbled notes in Edward's distinctive writing scattered all over it. He was trying to get his GED, for me? Like he had something to prove to me? "Someone like me? You mean pompous, stuck on herself snob? You think I'm that shallow?"

"No, I think you're that human and I'm _that_ fucking stupid," he exclaimed tensely, sitting down hard on the couch and flipping closed the open book, shoving it aside until it fell to the floor.

I bent down, taking it in my hands and turning it over to read the cover. _The GED for Dummies_. I brought my eyes back to him and found his head between his hands, his fingers driven into his hair.

"Pretty bad when even a Dummies book can't break it down simple enough for me to understand, right?" he muttered under his breath and I set it back on the table. "I didn't drop out just because I was devastated by my parents' death or didn't _have_ to work if I didn't want to for a while with the inheritance they left behind for me and Rosalie. Or even that I didn't _want_ to graduate from high school. I just had no reason left to try so hard, only to fail anyway. Rose got the brains between the two of us, I'd just learned to accept that before now."

"Edward, you are _not_ stupid," I replied and he scoffed, rolling his eyes and turning his head away. "You're _not_. Intelligence isn't measured by diplomas and degrees."

Edward stood and stepped away from me, pacing the floor. "It is in society, Bella. Regardless of how advanced and non-judgmental we claim to be, money and education are the two things that make this big ol' world of ours go around. And anyone that says otherwise, I call bullshit. No one would give a flying fuck about me if I was broke. I'm not _that_ stupid as to not know that. Shit, even _you_ still hate me at least ninety percent of the time."

"You think I give single hair on a rat's ass about your fucking money? You believe that's why I come to you?" I asked, stunned.

"No, but you don't care, either. I don't know _what_ you feel when you're here with me, aside from what we do together. But how would you feel if we were walking along one day and we ran into one of you little friends from college, and they asked what I do for a living. I'll tell you how you'd feel. Humiliated. Embarrassed. You wouldn't want to be seen with me. You don't want anyone to know you have anything to do with me _now_."

I breathed in deep through my nose and stood from the couch, my eyes burning with the glare I was casting him. "You want me to go back and tell all of Forks that I've been fucking around with you for the better part of the last two years? Fine, I'll do that. But I seem to remember _someone_ who didn't want his sister to know. I'm not embarrassed by you. I don't care who knows anymore and I don't know what I feel. But I _do_ know that I _only_ feel it when I'm here with you. I don't drive all this way for someone I care _nothing_ about just to get laid."

"I know my uses and they are few, Bella. It's all right to call a duck, a duck if it quacks like one," Edward replied, his lips and jaw tight.

"Stop it!" I screeched at him, his words driving a dagger through me, and I closed the distance between us to take his face between my hands. "I don't need to come all the way to California for a few good fucks, no matter _how_ good they actually are. And I don't care about your fucking money, you know that. Or your education level. That means _shit_ to me. Look where a college degree has gotten me at the moment. I'm unemployed. Nothing in life is a sure thing."

"But I am," Edward answered as if he were finishing my statement.

"That is not what I'm saying!" I growled through clenched teeth, tightening my hold on his face and pulling him closer. He bent at the waist slightly, his forehead resting against mine and his expression shifted to hold a hint of vulnerability, though he quickly tried to mask it. "Not passing your GED exam doesn't mean you're not intelligent. You can match wits with me better than anyone else I know. You think you need a GED to prove something to me? I honestly wouldn't care if you were an idiot or lousy in bed. Which you're really, _really_ not, on both counts. I feel things with you that I don't with other men. _You_ make me fucking jealous."

"You don't _get_ jealous. I've known you long enough to know that. And what's there to be jealous of, really?" Edward replied, his eyes closed and his hands settling uncertainly on either side of my waist.

"You. What happens when I'm not around. You're not obligated to me for anything," I said, my voice lowering to a volume I wasn't sure he could even hear. "I can't tell you not to be with anyone else. And thinking of other women touching you, lying where I do when I'm here. Feeling _you_ touching _them_. Knowing they are getting everything I want when I'm alone in my own bed."

Edward's fingers tightened their hold on my sides, almost to the point of pain, gripping me to him possessively. "There are no other women, Bella."

"Don't insult me by lying, Edward. Feeding me lines isn't necessary," I answered with a sigh, rolling my eyes. "You don't go from screwing every woman you see to getting your thrills from one woman every couple of weeks or so."

"Have I _ever_ lied to you? Damn it, one of the reasons we fight so much is because I am always brutally honest with you, as I hope you are with me," Edward replied and I looked up at him, his eyes wide open and gazing back at me. I nodded and his hands lowered to my hips. "I haven't been with anyone else since that night before Emmett and Rose's wedding. I haven't _wanted_ anyone else. How could I tell you I love you in one breath and that I've been with other women in the next? I may be a jerk but I'm not a complete, immoral scumbag."

There was nothing but sincerity in his eyes, and he was right. No matter what, we'd always been blunt and honest with each other, and suddenly, _I_ felt like the immoral scumbag. "I can't say the same, you already know that. There was Riley."

"I know," he answered huskily and the corners of his eyes and mouth tightened. He released me and took a step back, his fingers rising to his hair and gripping it firmly. "And that's the way it should have been. I'm no good for you, Bella. And I don't blame you for that. I walked away so we could both move on, just as I should do now."

"No! I'm not letting you do that again!" I yelled back at him, folding my arms over my chest and stubbornly standing my ground. I was already tired of the back and forth with him just that night, drawing me in only to pull away from me again. "If you can't tell me you love me and be with other women, then how can you do it and tell me to go away? I thought you didn't want me to leave you anymore. Isn't that what you said? Why can't you just say 'hey Bella, I love you and I want you to stay so we can try and work this out'? Why is that so fucking hard for you?"

"Because it won't work! That's why!" he roared at me, his hand leaving his hair and waving it out to the side. "We're too fucking different and being compatible in the bedroom is not enough. I can love you to the ends of the earth and it won't make a damn bit of difference if you don't love me back. And you don't, otherwise my little declaration would have had a very obvious response. You say you care, but you want me to ask you to stay and wait for feelings to emerge that have a good chance of never doing so because we have nothing in common, only for you to leave me again in the end. How is that fair to either of us?"

"So that's it? You're not even going to try because you're scared? That's not the Edward Cullen I know," I replied tensely, shaking my head and running my eyes over the man I barely recognized at that moment.

"Do you really know me at all, Bella? Honestly? I may not lie to you, but I don't tell you everything, either," Edward retorted, pointing to the scattered mess on the coffee table. "Did you have any idea about something as simple as this? I've been working at this for _months_, and you've had no fucking clue."

I pursed my lips and approached him, taking the front of his shirt in my fists. "Yes, I really think I do. I've known you for a long time, and quite honestly, I was even more hyper-aware of you _because_ of the way we felt about each other. I was also there when you buried your parents at sixteen years old. I watched the cocky asshole I'd known nearly all my life completely lose it at that funeral, and then take on this devil may care attitude that your mother would have knocked the shit out of you for."

"_Don't_ talk about my mother, Bella. Just don't fucking go there," Edward gritted through his teeth and pulled my hands off him, putting distance between us again.

"Why not? Someone should!" I exclaimed, shedding the first tears I had in ages for Esme and Carlisle Cullen. Their children had reacted very similarly after the sudden passing of their parents. Being the oldest, Rosalie took on a motherly role for Edward at the age of twenty, but they both refused to speak of their parents whenever it could be avoided. Even on her wedding day, we could all see the tears and heartbreak in her eyes, knowing how much she wished they could have been there. To watch her mother trying not to cry and hold onto her father's arm as he walked her down the aisle. And I could feel Edward's pain in the way he held and kissed me that night when he slipped in my window and took his comfort in my body. Yet, neither of them had said a word.

"They have nothing to do with this, so leave them out of it," Edward seethed, his nostrils flaring as he spoke.

"She didn't give birth to me, and maybe I didn't love her in the exact way that you did. But I _did_ love her, and your father. She was the closest thing I ever had to a mother growing up, and I miss her, too," I replied, trying to hold myself together in front of him by folding my arms over my chest. "And I may have been wrong about your reasons for dropping out and becoming this person you did, but I _wasn't_ wrong that one existed. Showing your vulnerabilities isn't a weakness, Edward."

"Yes, it is. Especially with you," he replied, moving around me to walk over to the couch and sit down. "You wouldn't understand. Just leave it alone."

"Maybe I would if you would stop shutting me out and treating me this way. You tell me you feel one way about me, but you're still acting like I'm the enemy. What did I do that was so wrong? You're not this way with anyone else."

"What do you want for me, Bella?"

"The _truth_. You're always so 'brutally honest' with me, so why don't you try it now!" I yelled with my hands on my hips.

"Fine, you want all the petty, childish details? _You_ were the child they wanted, not me," Edward bellowed and my eyes widened in shock. "There, are you happy now? Please just go."

I stared at him for a moment, his eyes lowered to his hands folded in his lap, unable to look at me, it seemed. It was a night full of surprises, but I'd never expected anything like that to pass the lips of this man that I'd known for so long. "Edward, your parents loved you. So much. How can you say that?"

"I never said that they didn't love me, or that I didn't love them. I did, and still do," Edward replied in a strained voice, shielding his face from my view with his hands on either side of it. "I just wasn't the child they wanted. My dad was a surgeon, my mom was a nuclear scientist. Brilliant, college educated people, and they had a genius daughter. And then came me. The child that barely got through the first grade because he couldn't fucking read well or figure out simple math problems, or write his own fucking name. Nothing for them to be proud of, and who could blame them? They had you and Rose to beam over with your honor rolls and achievements, and I hated you both for it."

"Edward," I sighed sadly, moving over to the couch and lowering onto the cushion beside him. "You're wrong. They were _so _proud of you. Do you think straight A's would have made it possible to love you more? You gave them plenty to be proud of. Can Rosalie play something on the piano after only hearing it a time or two? Hell, she can't even play Chopsticks."

"That's how I _had_ to learn because I'm fucking dyslexic, Bella. It's not natural talent, I just couldn't fucking read sheet music. And even now, I have extreme difficulty without a shitload of concentration," Edward snapped, his hands jutting out in front of him, and for the first time since his parents' funeral, I saw tear tracks streaming down his face. I could tell the moment he realized it as well because he quickly rubbed his hands across his cheek to remove them, but I couldn't stop looking at him. No one in Edward's family had ever mentioned that before, even with as close as Rosalie and I had gotten over the years. Obviously, we all knew he struggled in school, but I never would have guessed that he was battling with something like that as well. "Yeah, it carries over to little dots on a line for me, too. Isn't that fucking pathetic? Have you gotten enough? Please, just stop. I'm begging you here."

I couldn't say what compelled me to do it, but I reached over to take his hand. He tried to pull it away and my hold tightened, feeling the dampness from the tears on his palm against mine. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around the vision in front of me; I really _didn't _know the man beside me even half as much as I thought I did. And for the first time in as long as I could remember, I actually wanted to. The cold asshole I despised was nowhere to be found, and the heart I swore he never had was right there on his sleeve, and in front of _me_.

I seriously felt as if I'd stepped into an alternate universe the moment I pulled into his driveway that night.

Seeing Edward as caring and supportive, and then crushed when I wasn't pregnant. Being shocked with his confession that he was in love with me. Learning that all the loathing and spite over the years was nothing more than masked feelings of inadequacy in the world and in his parents' eyes, despite the baseless nature of it all.

"I told you, Bella. You could do better than an asshole like Mike Newton, and you definitely deserve better than me. So why are you still here?" he asked suddenly, staring at our joined hands.

"Because I want to be," I replied plainly, kneeling on the floor between his legs and releasing his hand to palm his cheek. "Edward, through all our screaming and fighting with each other over the years, I've never given you a reason not to trust me, any more than you've given me. Trust me now. Ask me to stay."

"It's not that fucking simple. Don't pretend that it is," Edward snarled, pulling away from my touch and rising to step around me.

"Yes, it _is_ that fucking simple, Edward!" I snapped back, shooting up onto my feet and spinning to face him, pointing to the floor in front of me. "Come here, tell me you love me, and ask me to fucking stay."

"That's not fair, Bella. There's only so many times I can say that and not hear it back before I just can't take it anymore," Edward replied with a tight voice, his fist clenched at his side.

I folded my arms around myself, watching pain etch its way across his features until he couldn't even look at me. "Then just come over here and ask me. You don't have any reason to be afraid of me."

Edward began shaking his head and looked back up to me. "That's where you're wrong. You're the only woman in this world that I have _every_ reason to be afraid of. Don't you realize the power you have? Bella, you have the means to completely destroy me beyond repair. Maybe you'd stay for a while, and I'd fall even harder, only to watch you walk out that door again when you finally realize that you could _never_ love me back."

"So you're just going to be a coward. No matter what I say or do. You'd rather see me walk out that door right now and never come back?" I asked, waving my arms out in frustration. The circles I was running with him had become too tiresome; it felt so hopeless. "Then at least come here and kiss me goodbye."

Edward's jaw tensed as he sucked in a deep breath through his nose, his nostrils flaring, and then suddenly charged straight for me. His fingers drove into my hair and his lips crashed onto mine, pulling me firmly against him with his other arm, wrapping it tightly around my back. I felt my body slacken in defeat—he was giving up and letting me go. His kiss was fierce, desperate, and seemed so final.

My arms slid around his waist, holding him to me for as long as I could. It was hard to believe or accept that it was over before it ever really began. I always thought that it would only take one little thing someday, and it would be easy to walk away. Maybe once we were a little older and finally needed more than the great sex that he and I had together, but nothing like this. Not so suddenly, and definitely not with the excruciating pain it was causing in my chest.

Edward's lips parted from mine, but my hold only tightened around him, refusing to let him go yet. His breath was heavy against my skin and his fingers massaged through my hair, and a hot, wet trail trickled down my cheek. "I can't let you go. No matter how much it hurts to love you like this, and know you don't love me. Don't leave me."

"I don't want to," I whispered, rising onto my toes and pressing myself closer to him. My fingers gripped the back of his shirt as I brushed my lips over his and I watched his eyes pinch closed in response. "Ask me, Edward."

His breath trembled as his hand curled around my waist, holding me so tight, it was almost painful. "Please stay with me."

A smile stretched across my lips, even though his whispered request was difficult to hear. He'd made it, though; that was all that mattered. I slid one hand through the tight space between our bodies to cup his face, stroking his cheek lightly with my thumb. "Edward, open your eyes and look at me."

"I can't. I asked you, like you wanted me to," Edward replied, shaking his head.

"And I'm still here. Please, look at me," I said firmly and watched those beautiful green eyes finally open, looking back at me nervously. "I'm not going anywhere."

Edward's gaze flickered over my face, still appearing so scared and vulnerable. He sighed against my lips as they met his and released my hair to circle his arm around my shoulders, tilting his head to deepen the kiss and gliding his tongue along mine.

I guided our bodies to turn and nudged him back to sit down, lowering onto his lap with my legs on either side of his. My hands clasped his face and I kissed him with more passion and desire than I ever had before. His hold loosened on me and he brought his hands to my hips to still their rocking motion over him, and I pulled back to look at him in confusion. "What's wrong?"

Edward's breath was raspy and he cleared his throat before gazing back at me. "I'm not sure what to do now."

My entire body stiffened and I sat back on his thighs, my hands lowering to his chest. "You don't still want me that way? You love me, but don't want me?"

"Nothing could be farther from the truth. I do. A _lot_," he replied, pulling my hips closer again and pressing me into the growing bulge in his jeans. "But will it confuse things?"

"People in relationships have sex, too. So why should that change?" I inquired, feeling my brow tighten as his arms slid around my waist again. "That _is_ what this is, right?"

"Is it?" he responded with questioning eyes.

I nodded slowly, tracing his jaw with my fingertips. "I'd like to think so. What else would you call it?"

"I don't know. I want it to be. But you don't even know how you feel about me," he replied, rubbing his hands over my back.

"Dating doesn't always start off with deep, passionate love, whether on one side or both. Very rarely does, actually," I said softly, my eyes falling to his lips.

"It doesn't always end with it, either," he added pointedly.

"Edward, we can't go into this with you just waiting for it to end. It'll never work that way," I whispered, closing my eyes and resting my forehead against his. "I know I care about you. I know I miss you like crazy when I'm not here, even if I try not to. I know I want to be here with you. And I know that I want and desire you more than any man I've ever met. Is that enough?"

I could feel his eyes burning through me, but it wasn't like anything I'd experienced with him before. His arm crossed my back to grip my shoulder with his hand and his lips pressed firmly to mine, hard and tight. "Okay. But not here. Not like this."

I barely caught a glance at him before he stood with me in his arms, setting my feet on the floor and taking my hand in his. He began walking toward the stairs with me a couple of paces behind him, taking one slow step after another to the second floor and into his bedroom. As soon as the door closed behind us, I immediately brought my hands to his belt, but he stopped me. "What? Did you change your mind?"

Edward's forehead creased and he shook his head, lifting his gaze to mine. "You know exactly what I want from all this, Bella. I need to know that you are in this just as much as I am. I want you to give yourself to me, completely of your own will, and then take me in return."

I stared at him with wide eyes as he stepped back, lying down on the bed and folding his hands behind his head. There was none of the usual taunting or humor in his features as he looked at me, nor was there the cocky confidence I'd come to know, especially in moments like that. "Give myself to you?"

Edward only nodded, running his eyes along the length of my body and bringing them back to mine.

"Oh," was all I could manage in reply, as it became clear what he wanted from me. We'd always clawed at each other's clothes and took what we craved from one another, but it was different now. He needed my faith and trust, to strip myself bare before him, literally and figuratively.

I held his eyes as I lifted my shirt from my body and dropped it to the floor, his breaths becoming quicker. My shoes and socks followed, and my fingers worked the button and zipper of my jeans, lowering them over my hips and down my legs. I stepped on them to pull my feet free and stood perfectly still for a moment.

I'd never really put myself on display for him that way, and I knew that was exactly why I needed to, but it didn't help the knot forming in my stomach. Under such intense perusal, he'd be able to see all my flaws, and for the first time, I actually cared about what he thought of me. My pasty skin, my small breasts, the tiny scars on my abdomen from my appendix surgery as a kid. Would he still want me once he _really_ saw me? He murmured my name softly and gazed at me expectantly, so I nodded and reached back to unclasp my bra and let it slide from my shoulders onto the floor at my feet.

Inhaling deeply, I shed the last article of clothing and met his eyes again, slowly releasing it again as I waited for him to say something, _anything_.

After one last scan of my body, Edward brought one of his hands from behind his head and laid it palm up on the mattress beside him. "Come here, please."

I knelt down on the bed and moved on my knees toward him, placing my hand in his. One gentle tug pulled me down to lie on top of him, and he met my lips in a soft kiss. My leg slid between his and I felt his even more prominent erection pressing into my hipbone.

He still wanted me.

"Now take me, Bella. Claim me as yours," Edward whispered huskily against my lips, releasing my hand and letting his fall to the side of his head.

Mine. Edward Cullen was _mine_. Two things I never thought would fall into the same sentence together, nor had I imagined it would ever sound so right, so good.

I began sliding my body down his, kissing along his neck and the front of his shirt, slipping my hands beneath it and trailing it up his torso. The soft, fine layer of hair on his chest met and tickled my fingertips, and I found myself anxious to gaze upon it. I pulled the garment over his head and straddled his thighs, running my hands over the hard, yet smooth planes of his muscles from his pecs to his flat abdomen.

"I'm still working on the six pack," he mumbled and I looked up to his face.

I smiled and lowered my lips to just below his navel, brushing a teasingly soft kiss on his skin. "You don't need it. If there is one thing you never have or ever will hear me complain about, it's this amazing body of yours, and your extremely long…legs."

"That was lame, Swan," he replied with a slight chuckle. Finally, after so much seriousness and tension that night, I was relieved to hear a laugh of any kind rumble in his throat and pass through his lips, however short-lived. His eyes closed as I loosened his belt, kissing his hardened length through the denim while my fingers worked the buttons of his jeans. He cleared his throat and raised his hips to help me in guiding them down his legs, along with his boxers. "Not very patient, are you?"

"You don't know that about me by now? Never have been," I answered with a pant, tossing his clothes to the foot of the bed as I took my turn at perusing _his_ body. Long, lean muscles from his shoulders all the way down to his calves; fingers that had touched me, soft lips that had kissed me more times than I could count. Yet suddenly, everything looked so different. I quickly moved above him, settling my hips over his and groaning as I felt his erection glide so close to where I wanted him. "I'm just very anxious to claim what's mine, as you say."

"Bella, wait," Edward strained out, his hands gripping my waist with his eyes pinched shut. I fought the urge to strangle him or something—getting me all worked up and needing him so fucking much, just to stop me just as I was about to get what I wanted. I rose onto my elbows to gaze down him, as if to say "Seriously?", and his hands ran along my thighs for a moment before he opened his eyes to look up at me again. "We haven't felt the need to worry about condoms in a long time, but should we be?"

I traced his lips with my fingertip, watching its movement for a few seconds before looking back to him. "Not tonight. Even if I _wasn't_ on the pill, the chances of me getting pregnant right now are slim to none. Simple biology, I'm not at a fertile point."

"I failed biology," he replied sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"I didn't," I whispered and captured his bottom lip between mine, reaching down to position him against me and slowly taking him inside my body. Our moans reverberated with one another and his hands gripped my thighs tightly until he filled me completely. "I just want to feel _you_."

It had only been a couple of weeks since we'd been together last time, yet it could have been hours and it wouldn't have mattered. Nothing was the same or ever would be again.

"Now you're _all_ mine," I whispered breathily against his lips, claiming them again heatedly as my fingers gripped his face.

Edward's hands came to my waist, rolling us over roughly, and I looked up to find the hint of that familiar fire in his eyes again. My heart pounded erratically in both relief and excitement—I had _Edward_ back, even if only for a moment. "And you're mine. All mine."

I gasped as he rocked his entire body into that first thrust, my nails piercing into his shoulders with the erotic jolt that shot through me. Of all the pleasure he'd brought me in the last two years, I had still yet to experience it all, it seemed. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see; I could only feel. Every drive of his hips against mine, each pinch of his teeth at the base of my neck. His breath, the vibration of his grunts with his movements, his touch, his kiss.

The groan accompanying my orgasm was one I felt all the way down to the pit of my stomach, my hips rising to his to absorb every gratifying moment of it. I clung my arms around him tightly, my fingers weaving through his damp hair and my eyes clenched shut as I completely shattered beneath him.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful," Edward rasped against my lips before sealing his over them briefly, his body never relenting in its motion over me. He suddenly stilled and my eyes flew open, gazing up at him as he retracted his hips and left me. He gave a soft chuckle as I tried to hold him to me, tightening my arms around him. "I'm not done, Bella. I want to touch you."

I kept my gaze on him as he lay down on the bed next to me, rolling onto his side and shifting me to turn away from him. I shivered in anticipation when I felt his chest meet my back and his length glide back and forth between my legs. "Edward, please."

"Tell me you want me."

"I want you."

"Tell me you need me."

"I do. I need you."

"Tell me you love having me inside you."

I reached my arm back to cup around his neck, turning my head to kiss just below his ear and whispering, "I love it. I fucking love having you inside me."

Edward's hand slid around me, grasping my breast and circling my nipple with his thumb. "Say you won't leave me."

I opened my eyes to gaze at him, and once again, I found that terrified look marring his features. I traced my fingertips along the back of his neck for a moment and then lowered my hand to cover his on my chest. "I'm not leaving you, Edward. We'll figure this out."

He kissed my chin and then my mouth, shifting his hips to fluidly slip back inside me.

I'd always loved when he would take me from behind, but as with everything else that evening, it didn't feel the same. Every touch and movement of his body against me was so intense, and I ran his hand down my abdomen to settle between my legs. He moaned as I guided his fingertips in circles over me until they began moving on their own, and I gripped onto his bicep instead.

_That_ was familiar; he knew how to give me exactly what I wanted and needed without any words passing between us. And at that moment, what I needed _was_ that familiarity, something normal between us in the midst of all that was foreign that night. He rubbed, flicked, and pinched me in the ways he knew I liked it, alternating in tandem with his deep thrusts inside me. Aside from the pleasure he was giving me, even as he brought me to a trembling orgasm again, I knew one thing for absolute certain.

I couldn't live without him, as much as I'd tried to deny it in the past, nor did I want to. Even with all our fighting and rage with each other over the years, the thought of Edward Cullen _not_ being in my life at all left me with a feeling of unbearable emptiness. I couldn't imagine him not being there, and it hurt like hell with him even living in another city, let alone a different state, I just never let myself admit it. Did that mean I loved him? I wasn't sure, but I definitely wanted to figure out exactly what I _did_ feel for him—because it wasn't hate.

Edward's movements grew erratic inside me and I felt the tensing of his muscles beneath my hand. His fingers returned to grip my breast again and he groaned into my neck with his release, his lips sucking at my skin until he stilled completely.

My pulse was pounding in my ears and we were both breathing hard, yet we didn't move from our spot for several moments. When he finally pulled away and rolled onto his back behind me, I turned over to face him, watching his long lashes flutter below his closed eyes. I inched closer, resting my head on his shoulder and sighed in content when I felt his arms circle around me. I ached to touch him and brought my hand to his chest, toying lightly at the hair with my fingertips. "You know I'm going to have to go back to Washington at some point, right?"

Edward froze and tightened his hold on me, his jaw tensing. "You said you wouldn't leave."

"Not you," I whispered, palming his jaw and kissing the other side. He opened his eyes and looked down at me, and my gaze rose to his. "I can't just disappear. My brother and father would worry about me if I never came back. I can't do that to them."

"Do you just want to go home instead?" he asked curiously.

I quickly shook my head and pressed my lips to his. "No. I'm happier here with you. There's too much baggage up there, and we'd never figure this out with your sister constantly hovering with her disapproval once she knows."

"I thought you didn't care what people thought of us," Edward replied tensely, his arms falling from around me and his eyes rising to the ceiling.

"Edward, I _don't_. That's not what I mean," I replied, reaching for his hand and bringing it to my cheek. My lips brushed softly on the inside of his wrist and I looked up to him again, running my fingers over his knuckles. "I'm beginning to think that my brother might have been right last night. There's been something here between us for a long time and we've buried it under a conjured hate, for one reason or another. But regardless of what we may feel now, we need as few obstacles and influences as we can manage. We need a fresh start, with only you and me. I just need to go back and pack up my apartment."

Edward rolled toward me, pressing his body to mine and sliding his arms around me again. "Can't you just ask Emmett to do it and ship it down here for you?"

"Okay, as much as I would love to never have to leave this house again, any more than necessary, there are some things I own that I would prefer my brother _never_ have knowledge of," I said and laughed as his brow rose, eyeing me questioningly. "_Something_ had to get me through those long, lonely nights between our visits."

Edward cleared his throat loudly and shifted his body, his hands gripping at my back. "Those 'somethings' aren't coming with you, are they?"

My eyes widened and I pulled my head back to look at him, completely stunned. "I thought you'd want to watch or use them on me yourself. Most men like that."

Edward shook his head and lowered his fingers to my hip, squeezing tightly. "I have no desire to be jealous of a piece of vibrating rubber or plastic making my girl come. Any pleasure you feel, _I_ want to be responsible for. If that makes me a selfish ass, then I'm a selfish ass. I want this body all to myself."

"Consider them gone," I murmured, hooking my leg over his, needing him close. "I always prefer the real thing, anyway. I'll just pack up the rest of my things and come right back. And then, we're going to work on getting your GED."

"Bella," Edward groaned with a heavy sigh, his head falling back away from me. "It's pointless. I'm never going to pass that stupid test, and you insist it's not important to you, so why bother?"

"Because it's important to _you_. Try and deny it if you want, but you took that test three times for a reason," I replied, tilting his face forward to me again.

"I was doing it for you. To prove that I could be more than just a good fuck, I told you that. I just have to figure out something else, that's all," he answered, keeping his eyes averted from mine.

I kissed him gently and he responded in earnest, holding me flush against him. "I don't believe that. And if that is indeed the fact of the matter, then you were doing it for the wrong reason. You can't do it for me, or your family, or for anyone else in this world other than yourself. I believe you can do it, Edward, and I would help you in any way I can. I'm a teacher, for crying out loud."

"For _children_, Bella. I'm twenty-four," he hissed through clenched teeth, letting me go and falling onto his back again. "Just forget it, please."

I rose onto my elbow to gaze down at him, and again, he refused to look at me. "All right, I'm going to throw an old and cliché, but also _very_ true, line at you. You can't expect anyone to respect and love you if you don't do it yourself first. And no matter what you say, there is plenty inside you to do so. Maybe _that's _where you should start while I'm away."

I collapsed onto my back as well, listening to his heavy breaths beside me, though he was otherwise silent. Then suddenly, I felt his hand take mine in the space between us, holding it securely in his. "You're not leaving tonight, are you? At least stay the rest of the weekend?"

"No, I'm not leaving tonight. Even if I thought I could manage to make it back to Forks on no sleep, I'm not ready to go," I answered and felt his grip tighten on me. I turned my head to look at him again, finding his head nodding in short, brusque movements. "And I _am_ coming back. For _you_, not a good fuck."

"Not entirely, anyway."

"Look, as much as I love this and everything is does for me," I exclaimed, sitting up and taking his length in my palm, looking into his widened eyes. "I wouldn't uproot my entire life for it, you got that? One of those apparatuses I have at home is pretty damn close to this, length _and_ width. And as you pointed out, it also vibrates. But it can't kiss me, or touch me, or hell, even scream back at me when I need a good fight. Now, I'm exhausted and emotionally depleted, so I'm going to sleep. Should I just lie back down or do I need to find somewhere else in this place to do it?"

Edward's face contorted as he removed my hand from him and pulled me back down to his side, guiding my arm over his stomach and kissing my forehead as he returned his embrace around me. "Please don't go anywhere."

"I won't. But you have to start _letting_ someone care about you," I mumbled sleepily, relaxing my body in his hold and allowing myself to drift off on his chest to the sound of his heart.

What a fucking night.


	3. Chapter 3

After an extended weekend with Edward, I returned home that Wednesday to find my brother sitting on the front steps of his house. His short hair and the fabric of his shirt were damp from the lightly drizzling rain, and his eyes rose to look at me when I cut the engine.

"Emmett, what are you doing out here? It's freezing," I said as I stepped out, walking toward him quickly.

"Waiting for you, sis. You didn't come back and we haven't heard from you in more than five days," he answered with a worried tone, looking over to me as I sat down beside him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you or Dad. I just had something to do," I mumbled tensely, keeping my eyes lowered to the ground. "Or some_one_."

Emmett sighed heavily at my tone, resting his elbows on his knees, and I instantly felt bad for snapping at him. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean what I said."

"Yes, you did, and you were right. I had a lot of figuring out to do," I replied, sliding my arm through his and leaning my head on his shoulder. I loved my brother so much, the thought of what I was about to tell him tore at my heart painfully, and from the deep breath I heard him take, it seemed as if he felt it, too. "I'm moving to California, Emmett."

He brought one of his massive hands to cover mine on his arm and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and I felt him nod. "I knew that was coming someday, whether it was now or later. Just wish you didn't have to."

"Me, too. But you know I do, Em," I said with a sniffle.

"Yeah, I know. But is it because you love each other, or is it still all about the sex right now?" Emmett asked and I lifted my head to look at him. He sighed, raising his hand to the base of my neck and brushing his fingers over my skin. My eyes widened as I brought my own hand to cover the mark there I'd only just noticed the morning before, from Edward. "Bella, I know you're a grown woman, but you're still my baby sister. Nothing is ever going to change that. And I want you to be happy. If he can do that and this is enough for you right now, I will really try to keep my nose out of your business. But if he hurts you, I swear to God, best friend or not—"

"He says he loves me, Emmett. He's not the one hurting me," I cut him off, shaking my head.

"You _don't_ love him? Then why the hell are you going, Bells?"

"I don't know if I do, but I can't say for sure that I don't," I replied, tears finally spilling over my lids. "I miss him. There are times he can piss me off so bad, I don't know whether to hit him or strangle the life out of him. But I went down there, thinking I was pregnant. I bought a test right after I crossed into California, and I honestly thought he was going to flip the hell out on me. And he didn't. Emmett, he stayed right there with me and held my hand, the whole time."

"You're not, though, right? Pregnant?" Emmett asked with a furrowed brow and then his eyes widened abruptly. "Is _that_ why you're going? He got you _pregnant_?"

"Down, Cujo. I'm not pregnant. I got my period the next morning," I replied, tugging his hand to get him to sit back down next to me after springing to his feet a moment before. "I've been on the pill for over a year now, it was just a scare. And that's not even the point. When he said he loved me, it was the strangest thing I've ever felt, and with his own weird way, I believe him. But how do you really know when you love someone? Especially when you have a past like we do. Part of me thinks that, despite everything, the moments I feel the happiest, I'm with him. And if it was _just_ sex, I wouldn't go to California for it. I could get that from anyone I wanted up here, right? So it's possible."

Emmett nodded slowly, but also started getting that brotherly, 'this is too much information' look on his face. "Sure."

"But then there's the other part of me that knows there are times I could kill him. Like put my hands around his throat, kill him. Because he can be _such_ a jackass. We fight and scream at each other worse than any married couple I've ever seen. We do and say things that cut one another so deep. That can't be healthy, can it?" I continued, gesturing my hands around wildly and then thrusting them into my hair. My brother's arm wrapped around me, gently massaging my shoulder and I sighed. "But it's like, even with all that, I still want him. I'm miserable without him. At first, yeah, it was the sex. I was addicted to the way he made me feel."

"Bells," Emmett muttered, clearing his throat uncomfortably but his arm tightened around my shoulders.

"Sorry, but you asked," I answered with a shrug.

"Point taken."

I returned my head to his shoulder and his cheek settled against it. "I know I want to go, to be with him, but it's so damn confusing. We even fought right before I left, just because I grabbed my overnight bag out of habit. He was _so_ sure that it meant that I would change my mind and wasn't planning on coming back. And for about ten minutes after I hit the road, even though I'd left my bag behind, I thought about it. I was crying and so fucking angry, and I considered just saying the hell with it and stay here. But the more I thought about that, the more it hurt, and I started missing him again. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just pick a nice guy like Riley or someone like him, settle down and just have a bunch of babies? Why do I need him like this? And damn it, why is he turning me into such a _girl_?"

Emmett laughed, rubbing my arm briskly with his hand. "Oh, how awful. How dare he?"

I lightly thrust my fist into his stomach at his sarcastic remark, but then snuggled more into his embrace. "You know what I mean, Emmett. I'm not this gushing, hands flailing, weepy girl, and over a _guy_. A guy I shouldn't even want in any capacity. But I do. I want him so much, and I can't control it. How can I know _that_, but not how I feel about him? I don't know what to do, to be honest."

"You want my advice?" Emmett asked and I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at him, nodding as he brushed his thumb over my cheek to wipe away my tears. "I think you should go up those stairs and get out of this cold, pack up your apartment, and get your little ass back to California. Then you need to sit down with him and tell him you love him."

"What?! No, how can I do that to him? String him along, making him think that feelings are there that I can't be certain of, that might not be? And like he'd really believe me right now anyway. But I can't hurt him like that, Em. I just can't," I replied, shaking my head and lowering my eyes.

"Bella, just that fact alone of you being worried about hurting him speaks immeasurable volumes. If you didn't feel something for him, you wouldn't care so much," he said, running his hand over my hair.

"Of course, I would. I don't care who he is, I'm not a complete, unfeeling bitch," I snapped, appalled that my brother, of all people, would think that.

"Never said you were, sweetheart. But this is _Edward_," Emmett pointed out in a calm voice, gazing at me with a raised eyebrow. "And despite everything you've done and said to each other over the years, since we were kids, you miss him. You want to move over a thousand miles away from your family and friends to be with him, and I don't hear any real regret in your voice about it. He's 'turned you into a girl'. You're so worried about hurting him because _he_ loves _you_, you're afraid to figure out exactly what _you_ feel for _him_. And you're sitting here, talking to your brother about your sex/love life, because you know for a fact that your best friend would do everything in her power to talk you out of it, even though that's her brother. Like it or not, Bella, you're in love with him. The sooner you figure that out for yourself and tell him, the better off you'll _both_ be."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to process all that he'd just said. I couldn't argue with most of it, since I had to admit, it was true. To say that I loved Edward, however, would take a lot more thought. "Rose is going to be pissed."

Emmett hummed in agreement and nodded, hugging his arm around my shoulders. "Yeah, but only because she loves you. She loves Edward, too, just not the way he is with _you_. Rose has a way of taking things at face value, but she'll come around. And you and Edward aren't going to be the only ones in the doghouse, you know. I'll probably be on the couch for at least a week when she finds out that I knew about you two."

"So don't tell her. I don't want to cause problems between you and your wife. I feel bad for even asking as much as I have from you. I can take the heat," I replied, sliding my arm around his waist.

"It's not exactly something I can hide. I don't lie well with her, she reads me too well and that's one thing she would _never_ take at face value," Emmett said with a laugh. "Don't worry about me, Bella. Rose and I will be just fine once she calms down. Just think about you and Edward, and consider what I've said. Now go, start packing before the over-protective brother in me rears its ugly head and I bolt and chain your door so you can never leave."

I chuckled as we stood and hugged him tightly, pressing my cheek to his chest. "I love you, Emmett."

"I love you, too, babygirl," he replied and I smiled at the name he hadn't called me since I was very little. His embrace squeezed around me until I could barely breathe, but I didn't complain; I knew it was just as hard for him to let me go as it was for me to leave him. "And don't worry about Dad, either. He'll come around, too."

I was even less sure about that than I was about Rosalie. My dad had been fiercely protective of me throughout my entire life, and I knew the idea of me and Edward together would not go over well with him at all.

"You're twenty-three years old, Bella. We have to let you make your own decisions in life sometime. And if it doesn't work out, you always have a home here and people who love you to come back to. But I really don't believe that will be necessary," Emmett said emotionally, gripping me to him even more before finally releasing his hold and nodding toward the garage.

x-x-x

I'd barely gotten my living room packed into three boxes when I heard the pounding of heavy footsteps and heated voices from the stairs outside my door. It swung open and I looked up from my seat on the floor, spotting Rosalie standing there with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I hope to God I did _not_ just hear what I think my husband just said to me. Because otherwise, what the _fuck_ are you thinking, Isabella Swan? California? _Edward_? There is no way in hell you are actually considering this," Rosalie shrieked, shrugging off Emmett's hands on her shoulders when he joined us, attempting to calm her down.

I cut off the packing tape on the box I was sealing, pressing my fingers along the top and standing up to face her. "Rose, I love you like a sister and I always have, even before you married my brother. And I'm sorry, but it's really none of your business what I decide to do with any aspect of my life, especially this."

"Like hell, it's not. You're my best friend, _and_ my family," Rosalie retorted, stepping toward me.

"So is Edward, Rosalie. He's your _brother_. He's blood," I shot back, throwing my arms out in frustration.

"And I love him. I always will. But he's also the most colossal asshole I've ever met when it comes to you, and he treats you like shit! Have you forgotten about that? And I'm sorry, but you are just as toxic for him. Edward requires a lot of patience and understanding that you just don't have with him," Rose said, shaking her head with the beginnings of tears glazing her eyes.

"Why? Because he's dyslexic?" I asked and both hers and Emmett's eyes widened instantly. "He told me. And I'm not pampering or treating him any differently because of it. _That_ is what he needs. Not to be closed off and sheltered from someone who actually gives a shit about him, because of something out of his control. That only serves to make him feel more isolated and abnormal, not to mention inadequate. He loves me and needs me, and I need him. And I care too much about him to turn my back on him because of something as insignificant as a learning disability."

"It's _not_ insignificant, Bella," Rosalie ground out through clenched teeth, her shoulders rigid with defensiveness over her brother.

"I'm not downplaying the effect it has on him, or your family. But it doesn't change the way I feel about him, either," I answered, tugging at my hair sharply.

"You can't stand him, Bella. You could barely tolerate being in the same building with him for our wedding, and don't get me started on the little display at Alice and Jasper's," she said and I stared back at her intently. The argument he and I had on that dance floor that resulted in me storming out, had been in full view of everyone to see, but it wasn't as if it was the first time. Yet, it _was_ different. Things had changed dramatically between us by then, and had been since the first moment I felt him inside me. Suddenly, her jaw dropped and her eyes flared, and I cringed at what I knew was brewing within her. "Oh my God, you had sex with him, didn't you? That's why you got so pissed off about him getting head from Angela Weber!"

"Not exactly," I hissed, my fists tightened at the memory of that night flashing in my mind. The first real hint of jealousy I'd ever felt with him. The fury I had burning inside me, that he'd come to me after her and I'd let him, even if I didn't know at the time. But more than that, wanting to prove that I could satisfy him more than any other woman, and loathing that I didn't feel disgusted by that thought. And I'd let him into my body, welcomed it, and hadn't been the same since.

"And that's where you've taken off to all those weekends. And this past one. With him," Rosalie continued, even when Emmett begged her to back off.

My eyes flashed to her and burned with emotion. "Yes, Rose, if you want all the gory details, I have. I've been having sex with your brother for the better part of the last year and a half. That's where I've gone. That's why he left. And I've never been more miserable in my entire life as I have since he's been gone. No one makes me feel the way he does, and I don't think there's anyone else that ever could. I won't lose him."

"Fine. But when this little coital bubble you've surrounded yourselves with pops and he breaks your heart, or you just can't handle him, neither of you better say you weren't forewarned," Rosalie snapped, but the anguish in her eyes buried beneath the anger was obvious. "I love you both, but this is a disaster waiting to happen."

Emmett sighed, gazing at me apologetically and turned to follow her as she began toward the door. "Rosie, wait—"

"Don't you 'Rosie' me, Emmett Swan. I know you knew about this because you're not down there killing him already!" Rosalie yelled from the stairs before my brother closed the door behind him.

One down, one to go.

**x-x-x**

Surprisingly, telling my father about my move to California didn't go nearly as bad as I'd expected. He was upset that I was leaving and obviously concerned about my desire to be there with Edward, but he didn't yell or carry on the way Rosalie had, not that I'd really thought he would. I could only remember a handful of times in my entire life when my father had actually raised his voice at me, and even then, it had mostly been when _both _my brother and I were in trouble together.

My dad gave me the same speech that Emmett had; "If it works out, then great. If not, you can always come back home." I appreciated the gesture and the sentiment behind it, but it also upset me a little to think that _no one_ believed that Edward and I really had any kind of chance at all. I knew that even Emmett had his doubts, despite his "won't be necessary" conclusion. I was well aware that they had their reasons, ones that we'd given them ourselves, no less, but I really wanted to believe that I was making the right decision. Even _one_ approval from any of them would have meant so much.

However, I was on my own to figure it all out.

After a tearful goodbye with my brother in the driveway and catching a glimpse of Rosalie in the window, I got into my car with what little I was taking with me stacked in the back seat. My mind was in a whirl as I reached the highway and set the cruise control, eliminating the chance of losing myself so much in my thoughts that my lead foot would take over.

_The last thing I need at this point is a speeding ticket_, I mused, but then I quickly returned to thinking about Edward and every reason I had for my course of action.

I wanted and needed him more than any man I'd ever met, that much I'd already discerned. The idea of waking up beside him every morning rather than a few days a month at most was a surprisingly exhilarating one. I would never have to lie in my bed in Forks, missing him so desperately and wondering if he missed me even nearly as much. _I_ had faith that we had a chance of working out—hell, we hadn't _killed_ each other in all those years—and wasn't that all that really mattered in the long run?

Even though I'd called Edward right before I left Emmett's, I was barely three-quarters of the way to his house when I stopped for gas and a break for coffee, and I wanted to talk to him again. I had my phone in my hand, dialing his number before I reached the cashier.

"You're not coming, are you? Son of a bitch," Edward said before I even had the chance to say hello, and I groaned in frustration. "Just go ahead and tell me, Bella."

"Actually, I was calling just because I wanted to hear your voice, you ass. But if all I'm coming there for is to be met with that kind of doubt right from the get-go, then maybe I _should_ just turn around. Even if I _am_ only a few hours away," I retorted, handing the money to the cashier for my purchases and walking away from the poor, wide-eyed blonde. "Is that what you want?"

Edward's heavy sigh echoed in my ear, and I felt a little guilty for barking at him like that. "No, I'm sorry. I'll be much better once you're here. I just got another hour-long earful from my sister. I was afraid she'd gotten to you."

"She seriously needs to back off. This is _our_ life, not hers. And don't you have any faith in me at all?" I asked softly, heading out to my car and leaning against the still-warm hood. "I need to know that you believe in this, Edward. I can't do this alone."

"Please, just get here, Bella," Edward replied in a strained tone and then dropped an octave. "I miss you."

My heart ached at his agonized tone, pounding with desire to be there already. I wanted to feel him in my arms and ease his fears as well, kiss him, inhale the scent of his aftershave—_fuck_, I missed the hell out of him. "Me, too. I'm going to be there before you know it. I'll be back on the highway in a few minutes. You're holding my bag hostage, remember?"

"Very funny," he replied in an unamused tone, but I could hear the hint of a smile beneath the surface. "Okay, I'll see you when you get here. I love you."

The line went dead as I made to reply, but in all honesty, I still wasn't sure how. I settled into my car and started the engine, flipping the heater on to warm my chilled body. "Damn it, I thought California was supposed to be warm."

I was muttering only to myself, in an unsuccessful attempt to distract my brain. I'd given a lot of thought to what my brother had said to me that day on the front steps, but I was still working on wrapping my mind around it. After so many years of being certain I felt one way about Edward, it was difficult to come to terms with anything else. What Emmett told me made a lot of sense, and the more I thought on it, the less I found myself able to argue a single point.

Hours passed, and as I finally turned onto Edward's road, tears were once again streaming down my face and continued until I pulled into his driveway. I hadn't even taken the time to call him to let him know I was close and left everything behind in the car, rushing for his front door and throwing it open without knocking.

After nearly running into him in the front hall, I paused long enough to take a single breath before inhaling deeply again and blurting out, "I love you, too."

Edward stiffened at my words and took a step back, shaking his head. "Bella, don't do that."

"Do what?" I panted, brushing my tears from my cheeks.

"Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. That's not something you figure out in a few days," Edward replied, leaning his body and head back against the wall beside me and closing his eyes.

"Maybe not, if I didn't know it already somewhere deep down inside of me. I just couldn't see it," I said firmly as I stepped in front of him and rested my hands on his arms. "Why _would_ I want to move all this way for a man that I didn't feel something more than a general 'caring' for? And _nothing_ anyone up there said to me came close to deterring me or changing my mind in the slightest. All I could think about was getting back here to you. To feel your arms around me. And I've spent the last few hundred miles dying to get here and tell you that I loved you, too. Maybe I shouldn't have just blurted it to you like that, but I was ready to burst if I didn't get it out."

Edward's eyes opened and gazed somewhere behind me, over my head, his body and jaw so tense that it almost appeared painful. He seemed hesitant to touch or look at me, and I was regretting that I didn't take Emmett's advice and sit down with Edward to talk it out. "That's a pretty huge leap from not knowing exactly how you felt about me only days ago, Bella."

"I understand that. And I know it will take some time for you to believe me," I replied, lifting my hand to his cheek and stroking it gently. "But I'm not going anywhere. And I will keep telling and showing you until you can. You are the man I'll love and want forever, even when you piss me off."

Edward chuckled and took a deep breath, finally lowering his eyes to look at me. "I _want_ to believe you, Bella. You have no idea how much."

"I have a general one," I whispered, stepping closer to him and sliding my arms slowly around his neck. I waited for resistance from him that never came, and instead, felt his embrace encircle my waist. "I wasn't exactly prepared for your little declaration, either. And it's still a little confusing. But I've never felt anything so certainly in my life. I love you."

Edward's fingers clawed at my back and I could see the internal battle raging inside him, struggling in every expression crossing his face. "I was prepared for anything but that. I'm not sure how to react right now, Bella. I'm really not."

"It's okay. We'll take it one step at a time, just like we planned," I replied as he rested his forehead on my shoulder, running my hand along the back of his neck. "The first step I need is to get some sleep. It was a very long drive. And tomorrow, we're hitting the books."

"Bella…"

I brushed my lips on his temple and shook my head. "There's no use in arguing with me on this, you know that. I _will_ win."

**x-x-x**

Although he claimed he wasn't tired, Edward joined me in bed, yet didn't try anything. He just held me against him as I fell asleep and I relished in that feeling until I couldn't fight my exhaustion anymore.

When I opened my eyes the next morning and the first thing my gaze met was his bare chest beneath my cheek, I closed them again and snuggled into his side. Something as simple as his warm body next to me felt so damn good, almost better than sex…_almost_. I had never experienced anything like that with him or anyone else with _just_ his arms around me, nothing sexual whatsoever, but I'd also never been in love before.

Love—another strange sensation. I'd always believed that it was nothing more than another emotion, not something you could physically _feel_. Yet, I did. In every look and touch, I could feel my love for the man in the bed beside me, and his for me. My heart pounded faster at the thought of him, my skin tingled beneath his hand on my shoulder, even through the fabric of my shirt separating us. And when I finally opened my eyes to look at him, there was more than physical desire and lust coursing through me. I found pleasure in simply gazing at his profile, watching him sleep without the lines creasing his forehead or the corners of his mouth. He looked peaceful and relaxed, and in that, I found happiness.

I really was turning into _such_ a girl, but I no longer cared. I was thoroughly enjoying the newness of the realization that I was completely and utterly in love with this man.

I brought my lips to his jaw, brushing a soft kiss there and chuckling as his scruff prickled against my skin. His face contorted but he didn't wake, only turned his head away and let out a slow breath. "Edward, it's time to wake up, baby."

"No," he grumbled, gliding his hand down my arm to settle on my side and gripping it gently. "Too early."

I slid my leg between his and shifted half my body on top of him, turning his face with my fingers and lowering my lips to his. "It's almost ten, according to that clock over there."

"And I haven't slept in three days," he replied groggily, still with his eyes closed. I traced my fingers through his hair and noticed the dark circles still present around them, even after all the hours of sleep. Concern rushed through me, as well as frustration with myself for my lack of observance the night before. Surely they would have been darker then, and I hadn't even noticed. "I missed you, Bella. I don't sleep well when you're not here."

I rested my forehead on his chest, bringing my hand to his shoulder with a sigh. "I missed you, too. And we don't have to worry about that anymore. Go ahead and get some sleep. I'll be right downstairs, I need to eat something."

"Mm-mm, no," Edward hummed, rolling us over and settling his head on my chest instead. "Just a few more minutes. I need you right here with me. Please."

"I'll be here when you wake up. I can't stay away from you for long, either," I replied, kissing the top of his head and his grip tightened around my waist. My stomach growled just then and he sighed, rolling onto his back again. "I can't control when I get hungry."

"I know. I'm just really not ready for you _not_ to be next to me, yet," Edward said in a tense tone, his jaw locked. "I'm a selfish prick, remember?"

"And by some strange twist of fate, I love that about you," I murmured, feeling him tense beside me, and I couldn't stop the huff that escaped me. "You're going to have to get used to hearing that, because I'm not going to stop saying it. You wanted me to figure out how I felt about you, and I have. It was a fucking long drive, and all I did was think about this. The longer it takes for you to accept that, the longer it will be before we even have a _chance_ at being happy together. And I don't know about you, but I was _really_ happy about two minutes ago, and now I'm pissed."

The fact that he didn't trust me enough to believe in what I was feeling combined with everyone's perception of it being a disaster in the making only added to my anger and frazzled nerves.

I shoved the blankets off me and swung my legs out of bed, still grumbling under my breath when I heard him speak again. "And you accepted it right away, didn't you? You couldn't even look me in the eye when I told you I loved you before you left, and it had been three days. What happened to one step at a time or all the understanding from last night?"

I felt the bed shift behind me as he sat up abruptly as well, facing the other wall. I gripped the edge of the mattress with my fingers, tension building in the room around us so quickly, it felt as if it would crush us at any second. "Some things will never change between us, will they? We're always going to fight over the stupidest things."

"Probably. But I don't know that I want them to. Not everything, anyway," Edward replied, falling back onto the mattress and reaching above his head for my arm. I glanced over my shoulder to him, his long body stretched across the bed with his legs still hanging off the edge. With a gentle tug, he pulled me back and I lowered myself down, resting my head beside his in the center of the bed. "Your temper and ferocity is one of the things about you that I fell in love with. All that passion, it makes you even more beautiful, especially when it's directed at me. It's also insanely arousing."

I groaned and rolled my eyes, attempting to move away, but he caught my face with his hand and gently brought it back. I glanced to him and he finally returned my gaze, and I shifted closer to rest my temple on his shoulder. "You're an asshole."

Edward nodded and gave me a small smile, and I felt his fingers running through my hair. "Yes, I am. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't one on occasion."

"I can't really argue with that," I replied and laughed as his lips gently met mine. How quickly moods could switch between us; from tender and adorable, to raging pissed at one another, to teasing yet peaceful serenity. Yet, for us, it was completely normal.

"I do love you, though. And I'm really trying to _not_ be afraid of that, or you telling me in return," Edward replied with all humor absent from his voice. "If I lost you, I don't know how I'd handle it. And that thought is terrifying."

I brought my hand to his hair, twirling the tips of his strands between my fingers. I knew Edward did not love freely, but the fear still present in his eyes was haunting. The only people in his life he ever professed to care for to that deep of an extent was his family, and in one way or another, he'd lost them all. His parents had been gone for nearly eight years, and although I knew he loved Rosalie, their relationship was strained and they barely spoke most of the time. She was no longer just his sister, as she'd been forced to be his parent as well, and it created a divide of sorts between them. Even at our worst times, I was still the closest person to him, and that scared him. "I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have snapped that way. But you're not going to lose me. I love you, and I'm a selfish bitch as well. I need you too much to let you go ever again."

Edward closed his eyes and pressed his lips to mine, and then sighed. "This is a really awkward position."

I laughed and rolled over, crawling across the bed and turning to straddle his hips. "Is this better?"

"Much," he replied, running his hands along my bare thighs and underneath my nightshirt. "We didn't even say a proper good morning."

My smile grew with his words and I leaned down to kiss him again. "Good morning."

"Good morning, baby," Edward murmured as his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him. "Even fighting with you is an amazing start to my day. Because you're here with me to do it."

I moaned as his morning erection pressed against me, my fingers gripping his hair on either side of his head and our breaths increased in pace. "Do you still keep those granola bars downstairs?"

Edward froze and opened his eyes to look at me, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Okay, that was definitely random. Yes, why?"

"Because I really _am_ hungry, and a fraction of that is for actual food. Don't move," I panted, rolling my hips over him one more time and kissing him firmly, and then quickly rose from the bed.

"Don't think I _could_ if I wanted to," Edward answered with a groan and I caught the movement of his hand in the corner of my eye on my way out of the room, adjusting himself.

I nearly tripped down the stairs in my haste toward the kitchen, grabbing the granola bar out of the cabinet and tearing into it. By the time I reached the bedroom again, I was popping the last bite into my mouth and tossing the wrapper in the trash can. My eyes locked with his as I shed my underwear and climbed on top of him, shoving his boxers down just enough to free him. I hadn't felt him inside me for days, and I needed him desperately.

Edward's breath stilled as I positioned myself over him and took him inside me, shuddering when he released it. "You have a newfound preference for the top?"

"Who said anything about 'newfound'? Although it's very, _very_ hard to decide," I replied with a smirk, beginning to rise and descend over him in rapid succession. He somehow managed to sit up, stripping my shirt from my body and sealing his lips to mine. His breathy moan sent a shiver through me and I gripped my arms around his shoulders, allowing his strong hold to guide my movements. "Now shut up and fuck me."

When he tightened his hold on my waist, I was sure he would flip me over right then and was pleasantly surprised when he didn't. He continued to pull me down onto him, filling me deeper with each movement, and my head fell back with the intense rapture he was throwing me into. I began clenching around him and his lips pressed to my throat, his groan rumbling against my skin until he finally rose from the bed with me in his arms. He never left my body as he turned to lower us back down, and parting from me just as quickly.

"No. No, no. Please. I need you, please," I panted, writhing on the bed as he stood up completely. He'd always loved to tease me, to keep me dangling and make me beg for him, but his eyes only held a determination within them. He didn't say a word in reply, instead kicking free from his boxers around his ankles and taking hold of my thighs, pulling me to the edge of the bed sharply. His hands moved to my hips and lifted them up level with his, arching my back and thrusting back inside me. "Oh _fuck_!"

The wind was literally forced from me with that first motion, and my eyes rolled back as he repeatedly struck the spots I needed, inside and out. My hips jerked of their own accord, despite his firm grip on them, my entire body throbbing with my impending orgasm. I tried to speak but it only came out in incoherent grunts, until I literally screamed with my release, my eyes squeezed shut.

I locked my legs around his waist, grinding my hips against his thrusts to prolong the sensation for as long as I could. Before I could come down completely, I heard him growl and then pulse inside me, pinching my skin with his fingers.

Edward lowered to his knees once he set my hips back down onto the bed and turned to rest against the side, breathing heavily. "That's definitely one thing I hope _never_ changes."

I chuckled and stared up at the ceiling, resting my foot on his shoulder as my entire body continued to tremble. "What? Sex in the morning?"

Edward laughed and raised his hand to my shin, turning his head kiss my ankle. "Great sex in general. The way I want you so much all the time. Watching your cute little ass running through the house in your underwear."

I pursed my lips and nudged him with my heel, and then looked down to him while his hand ran along my leg. Reddened marks in the shape of his fingertips on my hips caught my eye and I rubbed over them with my palm. "Good thing no one _else_ sees me in my underwear. I'd hate to have to explain those."

Edward's eyes opened and turned to me, falling to where my hand was running over my skin. He crawled up onto the bed beside me and closed his lips over mine, sliding his hand under my ass. "What would be so difficult to explain? Shows that you're mine."

"You feel the need to stake claim now?" I challenged, pinching his lower lip with my teeth and causing him to groan.

"No. And if I really wanted to stake claim, I would do it in a place I wouldn't mind the whole world seeing, you already know that from experience. Not these hips, or _these_," he replied huskily as he kissed down my neck to my chest, nipping at the outside of my right breast. "_My_ eyes only."

"Well, not if I wear the right bikini," I teased and then gasped when he bit my nipple. "Ow! Neanderthal!"

Edward grunted in response and I laughed, raising my hand to the back of his head and running my fingers through his hair. His head lowered to lay on my chest, closing his eyes. "I always want _this_, Bella. That no matter how pissed off we get at each other, we always come back to this."

"We will. You'll see," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

**x-x-x**

Four months later, not much had changed, but I was not complaining about that at all. We still had our bad times and fights, yet we never threw in the towel because, as we'd both realized, we really did love each other that much. The thought of life without him was more inconceivable with each passing day, because very simply, he made me happy. And the good times began increasingly outnumbering the bad.

I was sitting on the couch reading one day with my legs draped over Edward's lap while he watched television when a knock came to the door. Glancing out the window behind us, I spotted a Fed-Ex truck out front and looked to Edward, who was obviously pretending not to notice.

"Were you expecting something?" I asked and he replied with a simple 'nope', never taking his eyes off the screen. "Don't worry about getting up or anything. I've got it."

"It's easier for you to get up than it is for me," he retorted to my sarcastic remark, gesturing to my knees with the remote before pointing it at the television again to change the channel.

I growled in frustration and rolled my eyes, swinging my legs off his lap and making my way to the front door. A tall man stood outside with a large envelope in his hand and he asked for Edward.

"Just sign for it, please. I'm indisposed," Edward answered when I called out to him, his voice coming from the bathroom.

"Jackass," I mumbled under my breath and the man visibly restrained himself from laughing while I signed and took the envelope when I'd finished. I closed the door and turned the object over in my hand, gasping when I saw the return address. "Edward, get out here. It's your test results."

Two weeks earlier, Edward had gone in again to take the GED exam with audio assistance, despite his efforts to convince me that he really didn't want to. He'd been grumpier since, but I tried to be understanding of the fact that he was nervous.

Edward returned to the living room and his face was ashen, his eyes glossed over as if he'd just been sick. "Just throw it away. I don't want to know."

I sighed and shook my head, making my way over and holding the envelope out to him. He backed away more the closer I got, staring at it like it was carrying a deadly pestilence. "Baby, it's going to be okay. Just open it. You'll always wonder if you don't."

"No. You," he replied, leaning his head against the wall he'd just backed into.

"It has your name on it, Edward. That's like a federal offense or something. We're not even married, so I can't," I said insistently, thrusting it toward him again.

"Bella, _please_. Just open it. It's not like I'm gonna turn you into the feds for something I am _begging_ you to do," Edward pleaded in a tight voice, his fists balled on either side of him.

"All right. Calm down, I'll open it," I told him, running my free hand along his arm to soothe him. He didn't relax at all so I looked down and pulled the tab to remove the long strip sealing it closed, extracting the paper from inside.

I could feel his eyes on me as my face dropped while I read and his fist meeting the wall brought my tear-filled eyes back up. "I told you it was pointless, Bella. _Now_ will you give up on this?"

I began to laugh and his forehead creased, a hurt expression crossing his features. "Yes, I will. Because you did it. You really did it."

Edward's eyes widened and he snatched the paper from my hand, hesitant to look at it but finally did, and froze. "I passed?"

"And not by the skin of your teeth, either. You did amazing," I replied, taking his face between my hands in my excitement, pressing my lips firmly to his. "I told you my study method would work."

Edward brought his hands to my waist and squeezed gently, pulling me against him. "I hope that it's a study method exclusively reserved for me."

I smirked and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my body to his. "Only for you, babe."

While I was helping him study in the beginning, I watched his frustration level steadily rising, and decided on a very cheesy, but apparently very effective approach. I came downstairs one night in three layers of clothing, earning a strange look from Edward. I told him that for every question he answered right, I would remove one article of clothing. Even though he wasn't getting many wrong to begin with, his frustration shifted from cursing himself to becoming determined to get the next one right—as he only got to have sex with me if I ended up completely naked by the end.

We didn't go a single night without it.

And when he returned from taking the test, he grabbed me the instant he walked in the door and pinned me to the wall. All he'd been able to envision in his mind with each question was me shedding a shirt, a sock, shorts, my bra—and it resulted in the best sex we'd had in a while, right there against that wall.

"I'm so proud of you, Edward. I knew you could do it," I murmured into his shoulder as he held me to him.

"Thank you, baby. I love you so much," he whispered against my neck and I replied softly in turn. His arms tightened around me, but the rest of his body remained relaxed and I smiled at the evidence of one of the most important things that _had_ changed.

Edward no longer fought me when I would tell him that I loved him and it was worth the gradual process it had been to get to that point. He still didn't understand it, but he was actually allowing himself to believe it, and that's what mattered to me the most.

"Marry me, Bella," Edward mumbled into my skin and it was my turn to freeze, slowly pulling back to look at him with wide eyes. "Before you start arguing with me, just listen. It's going to happen someday anyhow. I love you and you love me. We are the only ones in the world who know exactly how to handle the other, and that means something. We can obviously live together without killing each other, not to mention the _amazing_ sex we have. We're meant to be together."

"Edward…"

"You can't tell me we're not. If you're not perfect for me, there's not another woman in existence who is. You're my world, Bella. Everything to me. I want to spend my life with you, and only you. Marry me," Edward continued, his fingers gripping at my shirt in an attempt to hold me against him, as if I could even move. "Please, marry me, baby."

"Will you shut up long enough for me to say yes?" I spoke before he could even take another breath and his eyes held mine in silence. "I _do_ love you, and you are _my_ everything. My home is here with you, and that's exactly where I want it to be. So yes, I will marry you."

"I don't have a ring."

I lifted onto my toes and slid my arms more securely around his neck, gliding my body along his. "I don't need it."

"Our families might not be too thrilled with the idea," he whispered, resting his forehead on mine.

"Are you _trying_ to talk me out of it now?" I asked and felt his arms squeeze around me, shaking his head abruptly. "Take me to Vegas tonight for all I care. This is _our_ life, and what we want to do with it is all that really matters when it comes right down to it. And if we're happy, that is what's important. Our families approval or lack of it isn't going to change how we feel about each other if it hasn't before this."

"I love you," Edward replied with a smile, kissing me and then burying his face in my neck again, his hold firm around me. "Were you serious about Vegas?"

I chuckled and kissed his jaw, threading my fingers in his hand. "Very."

"Then let's do it," he mumbled and lifted his head to look at me. "I want to marry you, Bella Swan. Now."

There wasn't even a hint of teasing in his eyes or expression—he was deadly serious. I barely felt the strands of his hair between my fingers as they moved through it, completely stunned speechless. Nonetheless, a smile stretched across my lips as I nodded and my arms clung around him when his lips met mine heatedly with a moan.

Within hours, I was Mrs. Edward Cullen, despite our families' shock and hesitance when we called them while waiting our turn in line to be married. Rosalie sobbed when Edward told her what we were doing, but not in anger. She was still so afraid for the both of us, and we knew that might not ever change—that and she was three months pregnant. I knew I couldn't go through with it without at least telling my dad and brother, no matter how hard that part was. I knew my father envisioned walking me down the aisle someday, and Emmett just really wanted to be there to see his little sister get married. They calmed slightly when I promised them both a "real wedding" someday, but I knew what I wanted, and that was Edward.

I never regretted it, either. Six years later, we were still happily married, lying in our bed with a brand new baby girl wiggling between us. It had taken a long time for Edward to even consider the possibility of bringing a child into the world. But after a successful, though still difficult, effort to receive his college degree in graphic design, his confidence seemed to grow and some of his fears began to dwindle. Five months later, we found out that I was pregnant with our daughter, Kaitlyn.

Nothing has ever been easy sailing or simple between us, but anything worthwhile in life never is. And neither of us would have our lives, or each other, any other way.


End file.
